Ok so I’m finally writing a new blog, it’s been a minute but I’m back!

While I was at work tonight I was thinking about what I wanted to write on and most importantly if God wanted me to write on something specific. All night I couldn’t come up with anything because to be real honest my brain was just so wore out from these last couple of weeks. These past few weeks have been crazy, unpredictable, full of joy and full of sorrow. And tonight I felt like I just wanted to crawl up in Gods lap and have him hold me. I heard this phrase from a book and it has been in my mind for a few days " Meet God in the shredding place" When I heard it I was like okkkk why and what does that mean? We have these paper shredders to get rid of our personal information right? Well think about it your destroying papers you no longer have a need for. When we let things go we no longer have a need for those things. When we deal with little hurts that trip us up we no longer have a need to hold on to that information we know that made our hearts break. I know that people will come and people will go, sometimes Pain will engulf our heart, sometimes fear will take over, sometimes doubt will creep in but when those things happen where is the first place you wanna go??? For me when these things happen my first response is to shut down and shut people out because I don’t want to deal with anymore hurt. That’s a bad mechanism. I understand that and I’m working on it. I sometimes wish I could just literally sit down with God and just see him and be able to chat. Right now, I just need to sit down with God and tell him how I feel, tell him why I’m hurt or why I’m confused and what’s so awesome is I know I can do that with him. It helps when you go through valleys in your life to really know that he is there whenever you need him so meet God in the shredding room.

You know when things don’t work out the way we plan…when we’re handed loss while we are so hoping for luck...when our rewarding work suddenly collapses into rubble before us….when someone or something we love is taken from us…the light goes out of our lives. We may find ourselves lost, mad, sad, confused, and not able to understand why calamity has swept through our lives and dumped us in this sad, dark place that seems so far away from hope. We may think of what WE PLANNED and what has really happened instead. And if you’re like me, your heart will break and you will have questions like... Why me? Why now? Why this or why that?? Or how about the big one…WHY DIDN’T I SEE THIS???

We go through things for a reason, I always heard the phrase “Everything happens for a reason” I believed that everything had a reason but what if that reason really sucked?? Lol what do I do with that how in the world do I learn from that?! Sometimes when I was going through things my vision was so clouded. I was walking and I couldn’t see a foot in front of me but looking back on the things I thought really sucked and didn’t understand why I had to go through it I realized that it was only added to who I am and to my story. I’ve realized that yes I may see some people walk away from me but I have a father who will always guide me and never leave me, Yes I may be having a hard time loving someone but my father shows me an example of unconditional love and yes my heart may be broken but my Father is the great physician who can heal anything!!! I am learning that all I have to do is cry out to God (“They cry to the Lord in their trouble, and he brings them out of their distress” Psalm 107:28) I believe that God will deliver us from our distress like he promises but sometimes that deliverance is within our hearts, where the pain of our circumstances has shredded our interior being.

God meets us at the shredding place. His deliverance may be simply to give us comfort in that place. His deliverance may be a lifting of our heads, of our spirits and an assurance that he is there with us able to hold us in his lap when we feel alone. His deliverance may be giving us the knowledge that we will have his strength to endure to the end. I know that tonight I may be in that shredding place but I know he will meet me where I am and give me the strength I need to get on top of that mountain top!!

She said, "If only I could touch his clothes, I shall be made well"- Mark 5:8


Its true that sometimes when we need him the most we feel far away from God-hurting,alone,forgotten, trampled down by a crowd of problems. Maybe at that point we've given up on ever feeling close to him again. Maybe we feel dirty and unfit, covered with worldly dust that robs us of courage and weakens our faith. When you find yourself faced with these thoughts, remember the woman who reached out through the mob of people to just touch the hem of his cloak. There may have been something in her that wanted to think that he had passed her by and forgotten her or turned his back on her BUT she knew better!!!! She knew that even if she didn’t feel close to Jesus, even if she could look him in the eye or talk to him face to face, she still knew he was there!! Deep down we still know God is near, deep down ..That means we have to dig. There’s work to be done. We often remind ourselves of our failures so we won’t have to make that step of change. Change is scary let’s admit it. It’s the fear of the unknown.

Because of that fear we often use these excuses. We messed up. We were hurt. We hurt others. We were done wrong. We did others wrong. We are trapped in the prisons of our minds, we wear chains that have us bound in bondage and everyday it seems another set of chains are placed upon us. We try to get free but nothing seems to work. I’m sure the lady who suffered all those years with the issue of blood felt like she was in a prison never to be set free, I’m sure she felt the heaviness of her burdens increase day by day. But she had to MAKE HER WAY through the crowd of people. She had to take the strength and courage placed in her and do what probably frightened her the most!!! She had to MAKE HER WAY through the crowds of people who most likely said things to her, looked down upon her, ran away from her, mocked her and made her feel like she wasn’t important. Too many times we don’t listen to the voice of God because we are afraid to rock the boat with people. Funny thing is people cannot save us but sometimes we care more about what they think rather than what God thinks. We don’t attempt to change because it may hurt too bad. We say we are trying to do right but using the cliché as a crutch to delay what needs to be done. Believe me I can say these things in truth because I have been there!!! The lady didn’t listen to the voice of the people that day.

When things go bad in our lives it is easier to sometimes place the blame on others. It’s easier to be angry rather than deal with the hurt, it’s easier to close someone out rather than work things out, and it’s easier to shut down on life when you keep coming to a fork in the road that is going to make you take a path that maybe you don’t want to take. When things don’t work out the way we plan....when we're handed loss while we are hoping for luck...when someone or something we love is taken from is...the light goes out of our lives. We're lost, not understanding the calamity that has swept through our lives and dumped us in some dark place far from hope. When hardships hit, when our heart breaks, of course we grieve for what we've lost. But in our sadness lets resolve to learn through our grief, through our anger, through our questions, through our hardships. Ask God what he's trying to teach us through these seasons in our life. The answer won’t always be immediately clear. Sometimes we may not realize till weeks or even years later what God was teaching is in our time of trial. We need to let our heartache send us into Gods loving embrace, knowing that HE WILL MAKE A WAY!!!!

I love these next few lyrics of this song. It’s been with me all day.

I'll make a way
I'll do whatever it takes
Even though it won't be easy
I have a plan and though you may not understand
Today, I'll make a way