She said, "If only I could touch his clothes, I shall be made well"- Mark 5:8


Its true that sometimes when we need him the most we feel far away from God-hurting,alone,forgotten, trampled down by a crowd of problems. Maybe at that point we've given up on ever feeling close to him again. Maybe we feel dirty and unfit, covered with worldly dust that robs us of courage and weakens our faith. When you find yourself faced with these thoughts, remember the woman who reached out through the mob of people to just touch the hem of his cloak. There may have been something in her that wanted to think that he had passed her by and forgotten her or turned his back on her BUT she knew better!!!! She knew that even if she didn’t feel close to Jesus, even if she could look him in the eye or talk to him face to face, she still knew he was there!! Deep down we still know God is near, deep down ..That means we have to dig. There’s work to be done. We often remind ourselves of our failures so we won’t have to make that step of change. Change is scary let’s admit it. It’s the fear of the unknown.

Because of that fear we often use these excuses. We messed up. We were hurt. We hurt others. We were done wrong. We did others wrong. We are trapped in the prisons of our minds, we wear chains that have us bound in bondage and everyday it seems another set of chains are placed upon us. We try to get free but nothing seems to work. I’m sure the lady who suffered all those years with the issue of blood felt like she was in a prison never to be set free, I’m sure she felt the heaviness of her burdens increase day by day. But she had to MAKE HER WAY through the crowd of people. She had to take the strength and courage placed in her and do what probably frightened her the most!!! She had to MAKE HER WAY through the crowds of people who most likely said things to her, looked down upon her, ran away from her, mocked her and made her feel like she wasn’t important. Too many times we don’t listen to the voice of God because we are afraid to rock the boat with people. Funny thing is people cannot save us but sometimes we care more about what they think rather than what God thinks. We don’t attempt to change because it may hurt too bad. We say we are trying to do right but using the cliché as a crutch to delay what needs to be done. Believe me I can say these things in truth because I have been there!!! The lady didn’t listen to the voice of the people that day.

When things go bad in our lives it is easier to sometimes place the blame on others. It’s easier to be angry rather than deal with the hurt, it’s easier to close someone out rather than work things out, and it’s easier to shut down on life when you keep coming to a fork in the road that is going to make you take a path that maybe you don’t want to take. When things don’t work out the way we plan....when we're handed loss while we are hoping for luck...when someone or something we love is taken from is...the light goes out of our lives. We're lost, not understanding the calamity that has swept through our lives and dumped us in some dark place far from hope. When hardships hit, when our heart breaks, of course we grieve for what we've lost. But in our sadness lets resolve to learn through our grief, through our anger, through our questions, through our hardships. Ask God what he's trying to teach us through these seasons in our life. The answer won’t always be immediately clear. Sometimes we may not realize till weeks or even years later what God was teaching is in our time of trial. We need to let our heartache send us into Gods loving embrace, knowing that HE WILL MAKE A WAY!!!!

I love these next few lyrics of this song. It’s been with me all day.

I'll make a way
I'll do whatever it takes
Even though it won't be easy
I have a plan and though you may not understand
Today, I'll make a way

Throughout my short 19 years I have seen and met so many people who are bound my shame an guilt.I see how in every area of their life they are somehow bound by these things. I used to have so much shame and guilt and so I'm not just writing and assuming what the person may feel. But I am speaking from a point of someone who was completely bound in this. For me, it started with something so tiny but the devil likes to play on that and everyday we allow him to make it a little bigger in our minds, fear takes over because you know everyone is going to walk away from us when they find out then guilt starts to take over....we knew it was wrong but didn't turn around. That is when the shame kicks in. You wanna hide yourself so sometimes you have to put up a front because no one can even suspect anything is wrong because then you would have to "come clean" isn't it crazy how we so quickly accept lies from the enemy and believe them about our self and even others but when God speaks things about us and to us we cant believe them.

We will spend years in bondage and bound by crippling fear because what the enemy has spoken to us but God is the author of our lives (“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”- Hebrews 12:2) He is always speaking into our lives but we find it so hard to believe what he says about us?? Crazy huh???

This new season that we are entering is a time for God to completely turn Things around. We will be going one way and we will completely turn around to Pick up promises that seemed frozen in mid air. We will turn around and they will Melt and begin to come into fruition. “I am the God of the Turn Around.” The enemy has driven you into his entanglement, but I will turn his plan around on his own head. It will look like you were on the losing side but all of a sudden I will turn it around. Just when you thought the battle was lost, you will look to the hills from where your help come from and you will see that there are more with you than are against you. All of a sudden your enemy will not be found. You will see your God turn it all around. Your enemy will run from you because God will put fear and dread upon him through you.

It doesn't matter what you have done or haven't done. The shame and the guilt has already been paid for!!! It only takes a blink of an eye and God takes the guilt and the shame, I know because it happened to me. I was getting so tired of everyone telling me to let it go and give it to God. Of course I knew that I had to do that but what I needed to know is HOW!!! How do I just let it go and not pick it back up??? When you let go of something physically you have to release it from your hands. You physically have to open your hands and let go of your grip!!! That's true surrendering. That's where healing comes and restoration comes. You have empty places when the shame and guilt leave so that's where God fills it up with his love and mercy and Grace!!!! When you draw near to God and get at his feet, meet with him face to face the shame, guilt and pain have to Go!!!! Draw near to God and allow him to speak over you!!!

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28)

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).
.Tonight I dont have anything so profound I haven't had this deep revelation but know what I feel could be a huge revelation for someone else because there was a time it was for me. I see situations around me that saddens my heart. So many people are trapped in their situations. So many people are lonely, so many people are slipping away...people who have been raised in the church all their lives are slipping away. And people want to stay blinded to it. It saddens me because if you look at any of those situations the root of it is fear and needing love. God can wrap his arms around you in your situation and love on you and make the fear, the anger, the disappointment go away.(How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7) He is a God of restoration. My heart just feels so heavy tonight because some of the people going through this just need God to love on them...I cant do it for them, their parents cant do it their spouses etc only God because that is the love their soul needs. There are people who feel they don't belong and wherever that stems from know God can take it away and replace it with his Love. God loves you and he's waiting to give rest to your soul.

God is Love, and His love is very different from human love. God's love is unconditional, and it's not based on feelings or emotions. He doesn't love us because we're lovable or because we make Him feel good; He loves us because He is love. He created us to have a loving relationship with Him, and He sacrificed His own Son (who also willingly died for us) to restore that relationship.

Gods reaching for you


These past few weeks of my life have been eventful. I’m realizing the true beauty of love and that it can exist and go deeper than physical attraction. But I am also learning at the same time that Gods love can go deeper than anything. It reaches as far as the east is from the west and his mercies are new every single morning. I have been thinking back on times in my life where God was trying to reach for me and was calling my name but I turned the other way fully knowing his hand was stretched out waiting for mine. As a human being if I reached my hand and poured out my love on someone who knowingly rejected it I would probably give up because it would hurt me. But how many times have we done that to God and we just expected to go back to how “things used o be” after we had a little fun out doing what we wanted??? We go back to God not wanting to address any of the things that he is trying to bring up out of us and heal us from. Those are placed in a closet where we can freely go and get when we are having those poor pity me days. I am not saying that God will bring up all of your wrongs and condemn you until you cry and beg and plead for his forgiveness. Yes you must confess and repent of your sins but He is not a God of “you own me’s” He is a God of love and mercy and acceptance and forgiveness. As human beings though we sometimes can’t seem to fathom that God is not a God of “you owe me’s”

When I mess up I want to be able to have people in my life that I can go to that will not tell me how bad I was and how I really disappointed God. I want to have those people in my life be honest with me and do it with Love. Sometimes there will be correction from a person but they can always do it in love without passing judgment. I feel like I am surrounded by people who think they live in a Brady bunch world. By that I mean that nothing is wrong and we all just are so perfect and love each other so much and never get our feelings hurt blah blah blah blah blah it is way too sweet for someone to swallow. I want people around me who are REAL who are open to new things God has for them. Some people are so scared of change and having to grow up that they put a limit on God and once they make it to a certain level they feel they do not need to press any farther. I’m sorry but for me every day I want to learn something new about God. I want to be able to be open and be able to go even farther than I have ever dreamed of. This generation is so fast paced we don’t want to wait for anything. When we want something we want it now and if we don’t get it someone pays for that. We don’t respond to authoritative figures in our lives because we think we know what is best for us. But I REFUSE to have that placed on me I REFUSE to just be ok one day and the next down I refuse to not reach for my goals because it’s too hard or too much work I REFUSE to not stand for my beliefs because the kids in my class make fun of me I just REFUSE TO ACCEPT WHERE WE ARE AS A GENERATION!!!! “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:8-10”

God has so much for us!!! But because of either people’s judgmental look or words we sometimes settle for second best. I hear about how a lot of people don’t believe God can forgive them because of their “mess” I was a mess!!! I had a huge mess but God took the time to reach down his hands and pick me up and turn me around. He was so patient with me and loved me unconditionally!!! A lot of times we want to cover up what we have done or maybe in your household everything had to be kept hush hush and that’s all you know or maybe everyone was always in your business so you keep it all inside of you I don’t know what the situation may be but I do know nothing is too big for God and this generation does not have to settle for what the world says is normal or cool.

Last night I had to go to Wal-Mart to get some things that I needed while we were traveling. During this trip and doing this show I have prayed that my time here would not just be “time” I want it to be meaningful. I want to have a purpose while I am here for these 10 days. The first few days were rocky. I just felt like taking a bus home…I’ve never taken the bus but I wanted to then lol But after a long day of meeting thousands of people I felt like going to Wal-Mart to get what we needed crazy huh? But as I was waiting for my brother to checkout I took a seat on one of the many benches they have placed in the front for tired, worn out people lol As I was sitting there I was observing the people who were walking by some were happy, some were angry, some were little and without a care in the world like this little girl I met. She was walking next to her daddy and just aimlessly walking next to him and she was just smiling and grinning. You could tell she had so much love for her dad as she started to get closer she started walking towards me and not listening as her dad told her to stay with him lol She came right up to me and started talking (I couldn’t understand her but she was just smiling and talking her little heart out) She then got closer to me as though she knew me and started hugging my leg and just smiling and talking. It lasted for about 5 min and her momma came out of the restroom with another little one in her arms and he was just smiling if I didn’t know better I would think I had something on my face lol I can never explain how it touched me, I needed that little girl to give me strength to keep on keepin on. I walked away from there thinking what if I came to God that way??? With no inhibitions, I came to him with complete trust like this little girl, yes she was young but she trusted me. What if I was more like the little 19 month old and just came to God like a child??? She had hope and love in her eyes what if I came to God with Hope and Love and yes I would have problems but I would have HOPE that those problems wouldn’t matter once I got into the presence of God. What if I walked next to him like she did her daddy??? I also have walked away from my “daddy” like she did hers….But when she listened to her dad finally he held her with the same abounding love, he protected her the same, he held her even tighter though. It may have been only for me and maybe everyone has had this revelation and if you have that’s amazing but my prayer while I’m here and for the rest of my life is that I would trust God and let him hold me like that little girl did. I will allow him to guide me and not go my own way. Yes she disobeyed her father but he never left her. He patiently waited while she came back.

And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, and said, truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]. Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. - Matt 18:2-4

Isn't it funny how often we rely on others to fulfill the desires within us. We go through life saying we trust God and rely on him for everything but in reality you find yourself relying to much on others. I'm not saying you don't need anyone because as the body of Christ we do need each other and God is all about relationship. That’s why our relationships are tested so many times. As humans it is placed within us to desire a relationship. But where we get it twisted is when we place other things to fulfill that empty place. So we are left disappointed every time because no one is going to be able to fill those empty places because it’s a place only for God. Sometimes we have so high of expectations for our relationships that people will fall short of those expectations because what you want from someone else God can only meet that expectation.

Maybe I'm the only one who does this. I depend so much on others and not enough on God. I say I rely on him for my every need, desire, question or even lonely place but situations I keep having to deal with has shown me that I don't always go to God first. How do I balance the two?? Depending and trusting others but also trusting God and depending on him for my every need??? I'm not sure of that answer because I'm still learning it. I know that God places people in your life who are there for a reason so don't get me wrong I believe relationship with others are so important. But in everything in life there needs to be balance. This is something I'm still learning. I may be the only one but I'm believing I'm not in this alone. Something I have realized with me is I place my self worth on how much people need me or love me. Its something I have always dealt with. I've gotten soooo much better but at times, like tonight. I deal with this feeling. So maybe ask yourself what I am tonight. Who do I run to when I have things on my mind??? Who do I rely on when I feel I need some love and attention???