“People turn to God when things go bad”

“People turn to God when things go bad”

That’s the sentence I heard tonight and it sparked something in me. Why do we wait for the worse sometimes??? If we believe in God and believe he can do a miracle because we are going to God why do we still wait until things are soooo bad that we can’t go anywhere else????

For me, there was a point in my life where if life was good, friends were great and growing in numbers, school was going good, I had some extra cash and I felt oh so needed by people I was ok, I talked to God but I didn’t really TALK to God I just said my morning prayer (if I didn’t forget) and went on with my day. I loved him, I really did. But I didn’t give him that time you do when you’re in a relationship with someone. Then one day reality hit me and situations I was in turned bad, friends left, school went downhill and suddenly I was in a place where I never thought I would be. It for one taught me the importance of a DAILY relationship with God and also to not be so quick to judge because that thing you so willingly took time to judge and analyze could knock on your door one day. But I didn’t get really serious with my relationship until a few years back when things got dark, when I was in situations I needed out of but had nowhere to turn because I ALLOWED myself to believe a lie that  it was too big to share, that people would shun me and say “I told you so”. I remember how I finally surrendered when it was too dark to see. When all the avenues shut down. Whether it was guys, friendships or quick fixes.  I was in a dark place that made me finally quit being bull headed and just surrendered. Why did I wait?? Well after thinking about it, I think I waited because I wanted to be in charge of my life because in my mind, it would be so much better. I could make things work out and if they didn’t fix them quick. I was wrong. Things went right when I let God take full control of my life, and when things went wrong I knew who to turn to for Guidance.  

Why can’t we just surrender to him in the Good times and bad? I have never been more at peace in the “bad” times because I have a real relationship with God!!! When you have that open communication it eases so much fear, it takes away your pain, it validates you and it can comfort you in the worst of times and can comfort you in the best of times. I don’t have to wait to be at church to talk to him. I can do it wherever, whenever and however I want. I don’t have to sound like an English major I can just be Kayla with him, I can say words that don’t exist and say words wrong but he gets me!!!

 This is an excerpt from a daily devotional I read and it really sums up what a daily communication means. “It's natural to turn to God when things go wrong-when you are in pain or when you are frightened or depressed. It's easy to turn to God in times of joy-at a birth or a wedding, or on a holiday. But making the commitment to open your heart up to God every single day is quite a challenge. There are days when we feel moved, and there are days when we feel nothing. All too often, daily prayer seems like a tedious burden. We want our experiences of prayer to be inspirational, exceptional, but daily prayer is rooted in the unspectacular routine of our lives. Daily prayer is a far more pleasant way to achieve the same goal. Taking the time to pray heightens our awareness of God's presence in our lives. It reminds us that God is constantly calling out to us. We are in a relationship with God every day whether we notice it or not. God is waiting for our response.”

Our deepest praise is not always on the mountaintops of life, sometimes they are in the deepest darkest valleys. But whether we are at the highest point in our lives or the lowest point.  I pray that you will go to God in both situations. I pray that you will have that relationship that only you can understand, a relationship that fulfills every desire you have and can meet you wherever you are. God is waiting for your response.

able to trust again???

     A broken trust relationship leads to hurt fear confusion and anger. Those feelings are real and reasonable and you're now cautious about trusting within close relationships. But by dismissing all close trusting relationships you're also closing the door to great joy and a fullness of life God intends for you. I know that seems a little extreme but this is my opinion and you can agree or disagree. The reason I believe this is because I have experienced it first hand. About a year ago something happened that really changed my perspective on "closing" people out. I thought I already learned my lesson on this a year ago but now I have to be reminded of this again .I was so frustrated on night and I was praying and pray and praying but not feeling an answer on the situation I was so adamantly praying about so my flesh kicked in and I was like "God!! Why am I not hearing you??!!!" As soon as that came out of my mouth I just heard this "Because, your plugging your ears."...I had no idea what that meant and the first picture that came to mind was when a little Kid is having a tantrum and don't wanna hear what someone is saying the hold their ears. I was like...okkk um explain please. I felt him say "your plugging your ears because thorough the years you have been hurt and the things people did or said about you went through your ears straight to your heart so now, you have closed people out so you wont have to deal with it but, in the meantime have shut me out as well." I know it seems like a harsh thing to hear but you guys, I felt it in the warmest way, no condemnation, no judgment just pure love. I finally realized that even though I didn't mean too but shutting myself out from everyone I unintentionally shut God out. Most likely, I did this because I didn't feel like dealing with the hurt just putting it on the back burner for another day. 

 

     I don't like feeling like a victim or portraying myself as one. I'm just like everyone else and everyone has been a  victim to something. By this, I am referring to everything not just "crimes". It has been said that my parents have made us  kids think we are victims?? Please step back because you don't know my life or what I've been through so please don't try to narrate my life story. I believe if you are honest with yourself you have gone through something that made you feel like your trust and faith in people was up for debate. If your like me, you been through enough heartaches to even care to allow people in because hey...in a few years your probably going to leave like everyone does. And guess what?? People do leave and move on, Its life. But theres ways you can go about it that will make the absence of the person(s) to not be negative. Sure, you'll miss them but when you think about them it wont be in a negative way. Now because this is life its not always going to be a great feeling when people leave. But we have to make sure we don't judge everyone by the last person, whether it was a good or bad situation you were in.  After hurt or betrayal it is extremely tempting to withdraw into a shell in which we can no longer be hurt. In trusting no-one we feel that we are safe that we won't be hurt again. It is normal for this process to occur for a short while after a hurt has been dealt to us. For example, after the first few weeks or months after a break up we are naturally reluctant to date again. That is normal and to some extent healthy. We would not have made it very far as a species if we simply repeated actions which caused us to be harmed over and over again. I don't have this down pat yet, I still am dealing with learning to just  trust! It can be hard but so important to get back to the place where you can trust. Yes we should guard our hearts but that doesn't always mean that we need to have a fortress around it and concrete poured all around it. Be smart about who and what you trust in.

 

 

     "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)

 

 

      It isn't possible for even your closest friends to be totally trustworthy but someone else is -- Jesus Christ the Son of God. His love for you is overwhelming and led him to live a perfect life for all of us in this imperfect world. He knows all our sin and need for help. In love He lived, died and rose from the dead so all who place their trust in Him have forgiveness of sins and the perfection of heaven. While we have broken our trust relationship with Him. He will never fail us. We can trust Him. His love, His forgiveness and His help in every situation

 

Im amazed!!!

     Man I cant get over how crazy these last few months have been in my life. Things have changed tremendously, good and bad. I was talking with my mom tonight and through these last few months Gods hand was really on me. Not that his hand isn't always on us but he had me covered even when my eyes were blinded. I'm amazed at his Grace and mercy and overall love for me!!!

    I'm so unlovable at times. I really am, I don't deserve what I have but he still loves me at all times. I want to have that kinda love. I want to love unconditionally no matter how my flesh feels about the person or about the situation. God will show us in the smallest ways his love for us. I want to love him with all of my heart and have that love be seen by people. I want people to look at me and just know that I love him with all my heart. He has never ever let me down. Even when I didn't like how things were going, looking back they worked out perfectly and I thank God he didn't just give me what I wanted.

     Not a lot to say tonight other than he is so Good and so amazing!!! He deserves all the praise and all the glory even when we dont feel like it, when we praise him chains fall off, our outcomes become brighter and we begin to move godward. No  more looking back, we are not going back to where we used to be, how we used to be or what people said we were. We are moving forward fully aware that we are who he says we are!!!

pick up the pieces

I see Money come between my best friend and me
Old friends become new enemies
I’ve been Through character assassination
They tried to put this stick in between my wheels
But they can’t stop my motivation
Nothing will

I walk through the valley where the shadow of death is
I fear no evil ‘cause I’m protected

No weapon formed against me shall prosper
‘Cause I’m walking with the heavenly father
And I do believe that I’m gonna prosper
‘Cause I’m walking with the prayers of my mother

You won’t get the best of me
Even though you broke my heart
I’m gonna pick up the pieces
You won’t get the best of me
Even though you broke my heart
I’m gonna pick up the pieces
I’ve been Betrayed by the people I’ve trusted
I’ve been seriously disgusted


You can’t get the best of me
Cause of my destiny
Not to be less than me
But to be more
So don’t question me
I came and I conquered
I soared to new heights and still I explore
In my fight to survive
Lights still too bright
Keep my eyes on new sights
So when you try hurtin’ me, even desertin’ me
No but I’m designed to overcome adversity
Just wanna bring out the worst in me? It won’t happen
Cause I take responsibility for my action
My tenacity well it has to be everlastin’
Cause even when it comes to backstabbin’
I’m laughin'

You won’t get the best of me
Because by the grace of God
I’m gonna pick up the pieces’

God meets us at the shredding place

Ok so I’m finally writing a new blog, it’s been a minute but I’m back!

While I was at work tonight I was thinking about what I wanted to write on and most importantly if God wanted me to write on something specific. All night I couldn’t come up with anything because to be real honest my brain was just so wore out from these last couple of weeks. These past few weeks have been crazy, unpredictable, full of joy and full of sorrow. And tonight I felt like I just wanted to crawl up in Gods lap and have him hold me. I heard this phrase from a book and it has been in my mind for a few days " Meet God in the shredding place" When I heard it I was like okkkk why and what does that mean? We have these paper shredders to get rid of our personal information right? Well think about it your destroying papers you no longer have a need for. When we let things go we no longer have a need for those things. When we deal with little hurts that trip us up we no longer have a need to hold on to that information we know that made our hearts break. I know that people will come and people will go, sometimes Pain will engulf our heart, sometimes fear will take over, sometimes doubt will creep in but when those things happen where is the first place you wanna go??? For me when these things happen my first response is to shut down and shut people out because I don’t want to deal with anymore hurt. That’s a bad mechanism. I understand that and I’m working on it. I sometimes wish I could just literally sit down with God and just see him and be able to chat. Right now, I just need to sit down with God and tell him how I feel, tell him why I’m hurt or why I’m confused and what’s so awesome is I know I can do that with him. It helps when you go through valleys in your life to really know that he is there whenever you need him so meet God in the shredding room.

You know when things don’t work out the way we plan…when we’re handed loss while we are so hoping for luck...when our rewarding work suddenly collapses into rubble before us….when someone or something we love is taken from us…the light goes out of our lives. We may find ourselves lost, mad, sad, confused, and not able to understand why calamity has swept through our lives and dumped us in this sad, dark place that seems so far away from hope. We may think of what WE PLANNED and what has really happened instead. And if you’re like me, your heart will break and you will have questions like... Why me? Why now? Why this or why that?? Or how about the big one…WHY DIDN’T I SEE THIS???

We go through things for a reason, I always heard the phrase “Everything happens for a reason” I believed that everything had a reason but what if that reason really sucked?? Lol what do I do with that how in the world do I learn from that?! Sometimes when I was going through things my vision was so clouded. I was walking and I couldn’t see a foot in front of me but looking back on the things I thought really sucked and didn’t understand why I had to go through it I realized that it was only added to who I am and to my story. I’ve realized that yes I may see some people walk away from me but I have a father who will always guide me and never leave me, Yes I may be having a hard time loving someone but my father shows me an example of unconditional love and yes my heart may be broken but my Father is the great physician who can heal anything!!! I am learning that all I have to do is cry out to God (“They cry to the Lord in their trouble, and he brings them out of their distress” Psalm 107:28) I believe that God will deliver us from our distress like he promises but sometimes that deliverance is within our hearts, where the pain of our circumstances has shredded our interior being.

God meets us at the shredding place. His deliverance may be simply to give us comfort in that place. His deliverance may be a lifting of our heads, of our spirits and an assurance that he is there with us able to hold us in his lap when we feel alone. His deliverance may be giving us the knowledge that we will have his strength to endure to the end. I know that tonight I may be in that shredding place but I know he will meet me where I am and give me the strength I need to get on top of that mountain top!!

Another Goodbye....Im letting you go...again

You know those awkward moments we tend to TRY to stay away from well one was presented to me tonight. I ran into someone who completely denies my existence and that I’m human and sooo that actually may hurt my feelings so luckily my mom was with me to help me out because I suddenly lost all vocabulary that I used to have before this moment. Memories started to flash back as I was approaching this person, memories of that place we were at and to be honest I didn’t want those flashbacks but it happened. So we said our hellos and goodbyes but I left there with this feeling of worthlessness. A few months ago I was important to this person, I mattered, I had value to this person and then suddenly I was erased. I left there with all the questions I had before. “Why was I lied to?”, “Why say something if you don’t mean it??”, “Why didn’t you fight???”, “Why was I not important, forget everything else but as a friend why was that not important to fight for?” You get the point I had all these emotions and questions and at the same time wanted to knock this person out. I got in the car and begin to feel so unworthy, lonely, and broken.

  This was a point where I had to let go a little more. I did that, I let go a little more. A lot of people think it would be easy to move on after so many months and after so much silence but please don’t judge unless you’ve been there because I used to judge and think “Dang, get over it already!” But we as human beings don’t have on and off buttons. God hasn’t made us like robots, we each are different, and we have different controls and different functions. I choose to let go again tonight. I let go of the pain, anger and confusion. God tells me he loves me. God tells me who I am. God tells me HOW MUCH HE VALUES ME!! He tells me he cares and that I matter to him not some guy. I am worth so much and no one can give that to me or take it away!!!

When I left that awkward run in with this person I realized it was an opportunity to say another Goodbye to those feelings, it was sad but not as sad as it used to be. I don’t want anything that is not real, I don’t need anything that will only set me back and God didn’t intend for me to have something to make me sad. So this is another Goodbye to those feelings. I know I can get through this, I’m strong.

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over and you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift - I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

-T.D. JAKES

Getting in the presence of God

This past weekend I worked the Revolve tour at nationwide. For those of you who don’t know what it is check out this link http://revolvetour.com/ It was a weekend filled with hope for girls all these girls had different issues but all came together in one place for those 2 days to hear about a real God. The first night I slipped in the back and we found our seats and I was sitting there just looking to see how many people were there…I attempted to count but it was pointless to do that I don’t even like math lol but as I was sitting there a questions was asked and it was a personal question something that you have to dig really deep to find the answer too and it requires you to be real. At that moment I felt like it was just God and I. This stadium was filled with people but you felt safe, secure and close to God. That happens when you surrender your life over to Christ. When we hear the word surrender we maybe think someone gives their heart to God for the first time but this surrender means give him your hope, your dreams, your frustrations, your fears, you’re everything!! We can experience that closeness and security in God every minute of every single day!! We don’t have to only be at church, we don’t have to be having lunch at the pastor’s house or even at a conference don’t get me wrong those things are amazing but I think we get to comfortable there. We depend on only the time at church to feel God, we depend on the pastor to give us a good word to get us through the storm or even a conference.

We can only be able to feel the precious presence of God if we draw near to him everyday not just on Sunday mornings we can have encounters with him in church but how do we keep that?? By a real relationship with him. These past few years of my life I finally have understood how important it is!!! I have been raised in the church but that doesnt always mean those kids raised in the church have no problems or questions I knew it was imperative to have reverence and fear God and how to have respect in his presence and how it is a relationship with God not a set religion but this past year I think I have had a deeper revelation of it. So because of the deeper understanding of this I have been able to believe that he loves me soooo much, I know that he has made me the head and not the tail, I know that his mercies are new EVERY MORNING he doesn’t make me work for my forgiveness, I know that I can call on God whenever I need him. I know that I am able to just talk to him. I can just chill with him. When I feel lonely and have no one around he’s there. When people have left me he never has left me, when I messed up he was still there, when I needed to just yell and scream and cry he listened.

I wish everyone would have a revelation like I did and maybe I’m the last one to hop on this train and if so that’s okay but I wish people would know they can call on God whenever they need him, They can be themselves, NO masks are needed. They are safe with him and that he’s real. They can feel like I did in that huge stadium on a Friday night.

It was said today in church that we need to protect the precious presence of God. I can’t imagine being without the presence of God, it’s how I survive!!! In this generation I see over and over people playing games, waiting until tomorrow to get right, going to God when you have a bad situation in your life but never praising him when life is going good. I can say these things not because I’m judging but because I have been there. I’m not going back there and wanna shout it from the rooftops to others not to allow yourself to take Gods presence for granted. He is so Good and worthy of all our praise. He is a God who loves us so much!!! I’m so unlovable at times but how awesome is it to know that I can NEVER be unlovable to him!!

God With Us

Who are we, that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see, that's worth looking our way?
We are free, in ways that we never should be.
Sweet release, from the grip of these chains.
Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries.
For You alone be glorified Emmanuel, God with us.
My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord You know, our hearts don't deserve Your glory.
Still You show, a love we cannot afford.
Like hinges straining from the weight, my heart no longer can keep from singing.

Such a tiny offering, compared to Calvary, nevertheless we lay it at your feet.

A new chapter in my life = A new author

So this past Friday night the ministry I am so proudly apart of filmed our second DVD. I have written a blog on it and the history of it on an older post so check it out!!! (http://dreams-passion-faith.blogspot.com/2009/01/hands-of-river.html ) But these past few months of my life have been kind of rocky. There have been situations that made me grow but it still hurt, there were people who walked away and situations that just completely went south and it left me feeling numb, bitter, lonely, angry and confused. I had all these emotions that I was just left with and to be honest my heart was truly broken. I minister a song called “praise you in this storm” by a group named casting crowns and I have ministered this song for years but this last “storm” I went through was probably one of the strongest ones I’ve gone through. I truly was in a valley and I didn’t know how it was going to get better. When people would say to me that it would get better I didn’t want to hear it. They didn’t know how I was feeling; they didn’t feel what I felt I was just so frustrated because no one knew sooo no one really understood. It wasn’t anyone’s fault because I didn’t allow them to know what was going down but it was so hard to see the “good” in this situation.

During our dress rehearsal the day before the taping I had to go over the song and I was not feeling it, I felt like there was a huge concrete wall and I couldn’t tear it down. I knew that I had to let go of this person and the hurt and allow God to heal that area in my heart and I didn’t want to let go so therefore it was hard for me to really minister this song in truth. That night I went home and I was sitting in my room late that night and I just started crying because I knew that I had to make the final move and let go of that person they weren’t coming back in that area of my life and so I had to let it go. I told God that night that I would let it go if he took the pain and the “what if’s” (Isn’t it funny how we make “deals” with God even though he’s going to do what he wants?? Lol) So Friday night an hour before we go on I had another rehearsal with my song and once again I felt the wall!!! I knew that the wall would fall down when I surrendered and let go. Right before I went out on stage I told God to take it, that I wouldn’t go back after. He spoke to me and told me this song was closing a chapter in my life but I had to let go. Later that night in the car my Dad told me God spoke to him and told him to tell me that this song was CLOSING A CHAPTER IN MY LIFE!!! That he was moving me on, God never ceases to amaze me. I don’t know how to explain it. But it happened as soon as the lights hit and the music started I felt lighter it hurt, but not for long…I told God this was it I was giving it up to him and during the 5 minutes of that song I felt my heart get healed, I finally had my heart back!!! God grew me up in those 5 minutes lol

You go through things in your life and when you’re in the storm it feels so dark, you never feel like you’re going to be able to see the light but instead of regretting your past thank God for it and make that “regret” a part of your testimony. Allow it to be used for Good. You never know how your “regret” may be a healing for someone else. You never know when God will bring someone in your life to lose the chains that you keep locked up so tightly. I have some really good friends who because of their realness and openness about their experiences helped me realize that a healing in this area is possible, that you grow from these things and God WILL USE THE REGRETS TO ADD TO OUR TESTIMONY!!! I can honestly say that I let it go. Whatever storm you may be going through just know that God will bring you out. You may have questions, you may be confused, you may feel angry and if it’s a person you have issues with or dealing with letting them go there may be times when you miss them, that’s okay we are human and that’s built in us. But when having to make that decision to let it go it helps to think of it in this way. When you let go of all those emotions, all of the unspoken things that should’ve been said or things that should’ve never been said you could be allowing their healing to take place. That really helped me because when you care for someone you do want the best for them. Caring for someone doesn’t always mean “being in love” it just means you care what happens to them because they are their friends. So allow God to start writing the new chapter of your life!!!

Out of Nowhere

"I am the Lord your God...and I have put my words in your mouth and hidden you safely in my hand." -Isaiah 51:15-16


Whether they surface frequently or rarely, we all have strong feelings that impact us, causing tears to spring up unexpectedly, sending grief sweeping over us "Out of Nowhere" or pushing us to behave in certain ways. By studying these feelings and by remembering back to the events and issues that sparked them, we gain understanding that helps us cope.

As we acknowledge the damage inflicted on the crucial bonds or hearts innately crave, we also seek desperatly to give meaning to our expeirences, no matter how grievous the damage. The fact is, the human psyche can withstand almost any assault if we can find purpose in our lives in spite of the assault.

Our supreme purpose and meaning in life are to know, believe and trust that we are loved by the God who does not "do" throw aways. That knowledge-understand we are loved and valued by our creator even more than we can comprehend-makes productive lives possible for all of us.

And here's the most important thing to understand..whether we are abandoned intentionally or due to uncontrolled circumstances, we are intentional creation of the lord Almighty!!!! We are hidden safetly in his hands because thats where he chooses for us to be, amd thats where we will be forever no matter what happens!!!


" Great is your Mercy" - Donnie Mcclurkin
"Great is your mercy towards me
Your loving kindness towards me
Your tender mercy I see
Day after day

Forever faithful towards me
Always providing for me
Great is your mercy towards me
Great is your grace"

Everything From God to cereal.

wow today has been a longgg day!!! So since I’m up and can’t sleep I will enlighten my followers on how my day was lol...I know you’re sitting on the edges of your chairs just waiting to hear my eventful day...sarcasm intended lol....

I had to work today. When I work I can’t explain to people what it is I do exactly. We have many family owned businesses which means when you’re in the family you do what needs done. So no point in me trying to put into words what I do just know that I went to work lol. But as I was driving to work I was just talking to God and telling him how I was doing, what I was feeling and what I wasn’t feeling. I am a part of a dance/ sign language ministry at my church ( www.handsoftheriver.com )and we are filming our second DVD next Friday (woohooo!!) But I started thinking back to 2 years ago and where I was in my life, who I was and who I hadn't discovered yet. I started just asking God to anoint next Friday night and to prepare hearts, for it not to just be a cool dance show but for it to be a life changing experience for someone. I started thinking about how that night 2 years ago changed my life forever. Connections were lost but for the good. Connections were made that were also for the good. But that night 2 years ago Kayla started to grow up and discover bits and pieces of who God said I was. Kayla let go of guys who told her who she was and held onto God. My prayer is that next Friday night someone will allow God to hold onto them and tell them who they are!!!

As a youth we sometimes feel intimidated to say what we feel because we don’t feel as "educated" as others first off that’s a lie and nowhere in the bible did it say you needed a PhD to be able to speak or come before God. We can take authority and speak with confidence and love but that only can be found in Christ and having a real relationship with Christ. No man, no women, no job title, no car, no home, no dollar amount or position in the church can give you that because what happens when that person leaves?? What happens when you lose your job?? What happens when you lose your home and car and then you lose your position in the church?? Whereas your authority?? Where’s your confidence??? Where’s your love?? That’s right you guessed it, it’s gone!!! Please take it from me, don’t ever place those things on people. People will let you down, people are not perfect only God is perfect only he can give us those things and we never have to worry about him leaving with those things because he said HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE US NOR FORSAKE US!!! We place too much worth on who we are by what people say we are. That was me once. It’s a lonely , sad and confusing place to be when people walk away that made you feel confident and loved. They let me down so I didn’t feel loved which meant I wasn’t about to love anyone else I was hurt and so you say something to me I probably would bite your head off. That’s what happens when you base those characteristics by who is in your life and where you stand in life. My prayer is someone finds that out sooner that I did. I believe that can happen!!

So on a lighter non preaching note lol I went to go see "G.I Joe" tonight with some girlfriends and OMG I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE A G.I JOE PERSON!!! The movie was off the chain and heads up to everyone there is definitely going to be a part 2!! That’s all I’m going to say!!..I’m just sayin...But driving home I so felt like my car could fly and turn into some military device with a click of a button!!! Yes I do have an imagination people!!! Anyhow I got home and there it was larger than life!!! A box of captain crunch!!! Ahh I was so happy because the popcorn I bought at the theater was drenched in butter and soggy so needless to say I was so hungry. So I get me out a bowl, I pore the cereal , get me a spoon and go to get the milk....IT WAS GONE!!!! I was so let down. Such anticipation to bite into this bowl of cereal so quickly crushed by the whole fact of not having milk. lol So what did we learn?? Buy milk before you come doofis! lol what does that last paragraph have to do with Jesus??.........Jesus wept?? lol

Work what HE gave you!

Have you ever seen a packet of apple seeds at the store?? They have the most beautiful picture of the grown apples on the front but when you open the packet all you see are a lot of little seeds…Nothing like the picture huh!!?? God has placed so many beautiful things on the inside of us we get discouraged because we feel worthless, like we have no purpose, we feel small like those seeds but what we don’t see is the fruit after those seeds are watered how do you water them?? Relationship with God. Period. Sometimes when God tells us to do something we feel we are not equipped because all we see our those little seeds so we say No to God because we don’t see that thing that we need to equip us. When God looks at us he doesn’t see how small the seed is he sees potential!! He sees the brilliance of what he placed in us. Don’t quit on yourself, God didn’t bring you where you are to fail, God is on our side! He placed a seed of greatness in us and we need to work that!! We need to walk in it. God gave us all something, most people miss their destiny because they focus on what other people have we are obsessed with someone else’s gifts and neglect the gift God gave us to nurture!! Be careful because you don’t know the price they paid to get that gift, they may be smiling when they came to church but the drive to church they were balling and crying out to God because they feel lonely. Be careful because you do not know the real them, you don’t know if they have real joy, real peace, people are good at acting. Be careful not to forget what God gave you and only you, don’t neglect it. It may look like the ugly seeds in the packet but look at the finished work. Work what God gave you even if you feel like its small, you cant see what God see’s but if you get in relationship with him and allow HIM to water those seeds it will be made clear to you like BAM!!!

The Great Saddness.

I did it. I read old messages from someone I once knew. I should’ve just deleted them quick before I had time to rethink my decision but I DIDN’T. I wish I would’ve just deleted them and shut my mind off. Ever wonder why someone has to leave? Was it in God’s plan or did I just mess that up?? Was it just life that tore you apart or was it destiny?? Was it right or was it wrong?? After reading the many old messages my heart began to ache like it did when it first happened. I remember where I was, what I had one, even how my hair was. I don’t want to remember. I wish I could erase it all there’s no need for me to remember. I wish this person didn’t have to leave. Tonight I’m going to have to just deal with some hurts I once again buried away. How do you shut someone out?? Is it even right to shut someone out?? What if they told you to let them go?? Is it still the right thing to do???

As I was reading the words one by one each one pierced my heart especially the line "come on in to my heart, find a place, a special place where you will never have to worry about me ever not desiring you. Come on in to the window of my soul...where it’s reserved to God, my family and that special someone. Come on in to my life, because I want you there, I long for you there and I need you there.” How does someone say those things then pick up and leave?? After reading a few messages that were a “happy time” I found the ones that were the “sad times” One day you’re telling me how you love me then the next day you say I got to be a friend and let you go?? I know it wasn’t real but how does someone fake so well??? If everything was a lie and a figment of imagination then how did everything seem so real that was said?? When someone says they want the same things usually your able to believe that. I believed that. I was the idiot who believed it. I feel used, disrespected, not important. But then supposed to act like it’s all good?? I’m expected to get over it and brush it under the rug so no one finds out. That’s cool I can push it under the rug but unlike some I can’t fake my emotions that well. I can’t fake that my hearts broken. I wasn’t worth enough for you to make things right. That’s okay.

You open your heart to someone and one day it’s there and another it’s just gone. I want to say I miss those days but I can’t really say that because apparently it wasn’t real so I’m missing a lie. I just don’t get how it could’ve been a lie. But it’s easier to get past if I tell myself it was a lie, that it was a typical guy, that it was a crutch to lean on while your problems were waiting to be fixed. My heart just hurts tonight and I should’ve just not read the messages but I did and now I have to get my emotions out somehow.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too

So you've heard the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”

Many people have their own opinions about this saying but to me this means you can’t keep your cake looking as if no one has taken a bite out of it and also eat it. People always argue the meaning of this because they say what’s the point in having cake if you can’t eat it. Well that’s going to be my point here exactly!!! A lot of people walk around claiming to be Christian. They believe Jesus Christ died for them, they believe in going to church and they may even be involved in the church but some of these people are claiming to be something they are not. I know harsh right? Well someone has to say it!! Let me first start by saying being a Christian does not mean doing what you want and at night laying down your head saying the same rehearsed prayer you have since you were 5 years old. Being a Christian doesn’t mean living holy on Sunday and the rest of the week being of the world. Being a Christian doesn’t mean only praying when the mortgage is due or the bill collectors are calling. Don’t say you’re something if you’re not walking it out if you say it people better recognize the God in you baby!!

I’ve been here. I would say one thing but deep down believe another. I never walked away from God but there was a point in my life where I was going through the motions. Life wasn’t looking so great, my heart always felt empty and sad and friends were all walking away and in the process of walking they were stabbing me in the back. Friends who claimed to be Christians. I remember thinking what’s the point of being a Christian if we only act Christian for 3 hours on Sunday??? My desire for God was slowly slipping away, my desire to get in his word and read and breathe life was slowly slipping away. I felt like God didn’t hear me. I felt like maybe I messed up to much for God to ever hear me or maybe I had to do something to earn back his love and trust. I remember one night just crying out to God asking him why my life was going the way it was? Why was another person walking out of my life? Why would he put them in my life for them just to walk away? Why wasn’t he even hearing me!!! I was so mad, I was confused but most of all, I was broken. That night God spoke to me and he said “unplug your ears and you’ll hear me” I remember thinking what does that mean I’m not plugging my ears God I’m doing the opposite that’s why I’m here, that’s why I’m asking you why u won’t answer me!!! He said it again “unplug your ears and you’ll hear me” So I was like ok God why am I plugging my ears (I probably had some sarcasm in my voice) He said “your plugging your ears because it’s your safety mechanism. You have been hurt by the things people have said about you, the things they didn’t say or the empty promises that you were told.” I still didn’t understand…if that was the reason why would I “plug my ears” he said "the reason why I did this was “because those words went into your ears and pierced your heart. The words that were said you “HEARD” those things hurt you because they broke your heart so it was easier for you to shut your ears and close out people so they couldn’t hurt you, but in the long run you have closed me out too” WOW talk about being put in your place in a loving way lol…I was seeing God as I saw the people who walked away and didn’t listen to what I had to say. I was scared of being let down so putting walls up seemed like a great plan!!! This night changed my life and perception of God completely!!! Since then I have realized that he will speak to me in different ways every time. It may be through the preacher on Sunday, the kids in the Sunday school classes or a cashier who is just doing her job. God will use whatever he wants to speak to us!!! It’s the still small voice on the inside of us (others seem to get it mixed up with their “6^th) sense little do they know its Jesus speaking to their heartsJ)

Something else as Christians we MUST do is get in the word!!! That would’ve cleared up a lot of questions I was having!!! For one I would’ve been reminded that in his word it says “I will never leave you or forsake you” Hebrews 13:5-6 we have the word available to us. God has given us the answers to all the questions we have but sometimes we are simply too lazy to open the book or we don’t really want to know the answers. I know I was like that once. I knew what God would say and I wasn’t ready to listen and change so not getting in the word helped me not be reminded of right from wrong. We want the answer but don’t want to do the work. We would rather someone tell us how we should handle a situation or even do it for us. As the body of Christ we have the keys to the kingdom (Matt. 16:19) in our hands and we take it for granted sometimes. We are in a battle and we cannot fight without the word!! It’s sharper than a two edged sword (Hebrews 4:12)

Every question we have is waiting for us to discover the answer. To discover these answers we must get in the word and digest every little thing so that when these questions and doubts try to come in we can say NO MY GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE ME, MY GOD WILL NEVER PLACE MORE ON ME THAN I CAN HANDLE, MY GOD IS FAITHFUL, MY GOD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED, MY GOD IS!!!

It only matters where you're going!

Today My family and I had to go pick up my sister from a church camp she had gone too for the weekend and as we were leaving I was walking to my car and behind me was a mom and child ....they were talking pretty loud so I could hear what the conversation was about. The mom was telling the kid to keep walking and stop stopping in front of her. And then she said the sentence that made me jump on the inside. She told her Child “Quit looking behind and Look where you’re going, It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, right now it only matters where you’re going” It struck me!!! So many times am I looking at the past and thinking how I could’ve done things so differently. I look back and wish I would’ve done some things I had the opportunity to do or look back at the hurts and things I can’t seem to let go of. I try to let them go but lately the hurt keeps popping up. The anger from the situation is slowly fading away but the hurt is increasing sometimes. As Children of God he is walking right beside us telling us “Quit looking behind and look where you’re going, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, right now it only matters where you’re going” I don’t know about you but that really comforts me.

It doesn’t matter what we have done or where we have been his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:21-24)!!! I find that with some people they don’t want to believe that promise. They would rather sulk in their hurt, anger, depression and the list can go on and on and then some more But as people of God we need to rise up and make that stand that shows others that yes we are hurting, yes we are dealing with unforgiveness, yes we don’t know where our next meal is coming from, yes we are depressed BUT MY GOD HAS SACRIFICED SO I CAN RECEIVE HIS GRACE AND MERCY EVERY SINGLE MORNING!!! The world is watching and so when we are going through “real” things we need to be REAL about them. I know for me I don’t need anyone all up in my business preaching to me when they are not living what they are preaching, I don’t expect perfection but I do expect you to be real. I wonder what would happen if people stopped walking around acting like they aint got any problems. I think healing would happen before our eyes. Then body of Christ would be one and be there for one another not to judge but to support them so that when we find ourselves slipping back they can say to us “Quit looking behind and Look where you’re going, It doesn’t matter where you’ve been , right now it only matters where you’re going”

I encourage you to take a moment and think about the situations you are dealing with and instead of me saying just give them to God and believe me I am not making light because we are to cast our burdens on him because he cares for us. But we have to put some action into it we have got to give it to God and leave it and thennnnn allow him to heal our heart. We then must walk in the authority he has given to us freely!!! He paid the price for our deliverance! I challenge you today to “Quit looking behind and look where you’re going, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, right now it only matters where you’re going”