How bad do I want this?

WOW!!! Where do I start?? This may take a few more posts to get out whats inside of me lol :)

This past week and a half has been so amazing. Between youth retreats or to sightseeing the BEAUTIFUL city of Chicago!!! I cannot really put into words how I feel but if I had to find one word I don’t think I could lol. God is calling to his people to get ready. We no longer have time to just play around. This generation needs to stop playing games. We need to walk into the destiny and calling God has for us. No more putting it off until tomorrow. We know we are called we know what we have to do but we keep putting it off.

Last week I was a counselor at youth camp and I went there expecting to help teens and I did but God used them to minister to me. We were in service one night and the Holy Spirit just fell and it was soooo tangible. About an hour into the service I just sat back and looked around and was overwhelmed with a sense of joy, hope and healing. As I looked all around a group of boys caught my attention, There was about 13 or 14 boys all praying together and they were not just praying because we told them to they were seeking the heart and face of God. They were doing spiritual warfare for themselves and others. One kid was telling God to “use me I’m here, I’m willing please take all that I have and use it!!! I want to do your will; I want you to bring healing to me, I WANT YOU!!!” I just started weeping. I realized that sometimes I’m not as willing to do what God asks of me as these teens were and I realized at that point that everything I held onto like the hurts, the judgments from people, the anger, the confusion because of the things that have happened just didn’t matter at that moment in time. I had to make a choice at that point to let it go and allow God to take all of those things because they were not worth my freedom!!! Were they important??Absolutely!! But, not as important as my freedom and healing. Do I deal with letting these things go every day?? Absolutely but I will decide to everyday surrender those things and let them go. I began to think about where my life could have been if I would’ve stayed on a road I traveled for a long time. I began to just cry (I’m very emotional lol) and think about what would’ve happened to me if there wasn’t a change and an openness to allow Gods voice to be heard. If not for his Grace I wouldn’t be here today. But I had to come to a point and ask myself. “How bad do I want this?”

We are always taught how we need a relationship with Jesus and we go through the motions of Sunday church service, the youth campouts, the women’s weekend getaway with God or teaching Sunday school and I’m sure the list could go on but out of all those things are we really believing what we say and are we really striving towards what God wants for us?? We always want to ask God all the questions when something seems to be going wrong but HOW BAD DO WE WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWERS WHEN TIMES ARE GOOD??? We then say we don’t hear from God but from my experience I have found that to hear and understand someone you must have a RELATIONSHIP with them. We cannot just go through the motions of church and think that qualifies us for a relationship with God. In Matthew 6:33 it says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” That to me shows me that having a relationship with God brings order and understanding to life!! Many people sometimes looks at this as us getting all we want if we read our bible and go to church (seeking his kingdom) But to me this means when I talk to God and seek his face on everything all else will just fall into place. I will have a purpose and destiny will spring forth because I know what God is saying to me!!! So how bad do you want it? How bad do you really want a relationship with God??? We can listen to all the sermons we want and listen to all the praise music we want and we can be brought up in church BUT it’s up to you how your relationship is with God when you ask yourself “How bad do I want this??” Don’t ask for it if you don’t want it. Don’t ask for it out of selfishness because God knows your heart and you can’t hide your true motives from him. But how bad do you want a God who will love on you without a price, how bad do you want to be able to just vent to someone and feel you have an ear to listen, how bad do you want to know you’re calling and destiny?? The choice is up to you, don’t miss out because of fear or hurt believe me it is not worth it!!

These past few days God has shown me purpose and destiny. He has shown me his healing hand and he has also shown me the importance of having that relationship with him. God has loosened the chains I so tightly locked up, and believe me only God can unloosen them because I REALLYYYY tightened them lol I’m not sure of your season you’re in, I’m not sure of how your heart is feeling while you read this and I’m not sure of the things you have gone through but I am definitely for sure that its not too big for God. He never will place more on us than we can handle!!! At times it feels like we are about to break and maybe we are but when we break, life springs forth and something new begins to grow!!! Sometimes we have to hit rock bottom so God can rebuild who we are. It’s not a fun process but it’s much easier when you allow him to have it all and allow him to take your whole life no fears or inhibitions but a willingness to do his will and move forward each and every day!!!

posted under |


Raymond. said...

so much truth.

i used to have a hard time with relationships.

i always focused on one girl than another letting Christ take the back seat (letting them provide me happiness) wanting to get attention from than to spend time with the one who really matters.

i figured my walk would get stronger if i just had a good christian girl with me to do bible studies with etc.

but i realized God placed me in this season of singleness to work on me, to prepare me for my future. not only for my wife (whoever she is) but for my ministry.

ive had to give up alot of things for this future of His, and i dont miss any of them... i had to ask myself How bad did i want it.

and only when i gave up my future did He show me bits and pieces of it.

Kayla said...

Thank you first of all for the comment!

In my short 19 years I have found that to be in Gods will and especially in ministry sometimes you do have to let go of things/people that are not the best for you and even though they may not be the best they still had a special place and for me I would rely on people sometimes more than God. I didn't mean to but it just happened so God had to sometimes pull some things out but at the time I thought I couldnt live without that thing or person but Ive found that I can. I miss the people that used to be in my life but God has filled that empty place and I know it was for the best and it all fell into place so I dont regret any of it, It made me grow up. I have to ask myself everyday How bad do I want this.

Raymond. said...

No problem, thanks for commenting on my blog.

i was in the same position as you

and im a recently "new" christian.

(i became a christian when i was about 17....and committed to the walk when i was 18, so almost 3 years as a "serious" Christian.)

He was honest and straight up with me...and was like...If you want to be real with me and be useful to're going to have to give up some things and people.

It definitely was tough but oh so worth it; so ima just encourage you to keep doing what you're doing.

God bless.

Newer Post Older Post Home

Recent Comments