Holding on

Okay so I am FINALLY home!!! I have been gone for about 2 weeks now in Florida! I had such an amazing and relaxing vacation. So now I am back to reality but so happy to be, I was beginning to get homesick..I’m such a baby but I really loved my vacation time. I have a lot that was going through my mind on this vacation. For me, I thought it was a great time to get away from everything but isn’t it so crazy how it follows you places ...that thing you’re wanting to just forget?!! So instead of pushing it on the back burner every time it came to mind I talked to God about it.

One morning I was sitting on the beach and I found this thing that was weighing on me come to mind. It was a beautiful morning, the waves were just right, the sky was as blue as blue could possibly be and I certainly was not needing this to be brought up at this moment but as I started to push it away it hit me what a better place to just talk to God about this? I was surrounded by beauty I was at the water’s edge and I felt him all around me!!! For awhile I just sat there and soaked it up I was just silent. I felt him just gently nudge me to talk about it...I know sounds weird but God meets us where we are!!! This nudging reminded me of when my mom would try to get me to tell her what was wrong it was a familiar nudging. I was just hurt and I didn’t have much more to explain how I felt other than, Hurt. But as I began to just talk to him about what was going on I began to get angry and then I just felt like I wanted to give a few people a piece of my mind because that’s what would fix it (sarcasm intended lol) But then I realized it was much easier for me to be angry rather than just hurt. Think about it, when you’re hurt you feel sad, hopeless, alone and sometimes a little weary but when you’re angry you feel empowered, you feel strong, and you feel like you have the answers to the problems. I was distracting my true feelings by being angry, I found it easier to be angry than be hurt. I started asking God how do I get rid of this and heal my heart??? I found out I do that by allowing him to do it, Allowing MY GOD to take control and find a way to heal the wounds. I found that MY GOD knows the answers and that I don’t have to keep searching for a healing exercise (I wasn’t really doing that I was just sayin') I found that MY GOD has the ultimate say so, me giving people a piece of my mind he would give those people a piece of his mind that would heal them. I do want them healed, I do want reconciliation, I do want them to have a long life, I do want them to have joy and peace and happiness, and I do want them to be FREE!!!! I want them to be HEALED!!! I realized I have got to give it to God and everyday when I deal with this hurt I have to give it to Him!!!

No matter what happens I want to be healed. I don’t want to have this baggage and I know God is healing my heart and taking away the baggage. I just got to hold on to him and not let go. I have to be able to see when it’s cloudy and to love when it’s hard to show love. That morning I felt the arms of God wrap around me and since that morning I have gotten angry and hurt but told God to take it and to have his way. I’m working on it but I’m not letting go until the end!!!

I've been there a thousand times,
I've felt the rain like a thousand knives.
And it hurts,
I know it hurts!
I've been there like a fighter plane,
Tryin' fly my way through a hurricane.
And it's hard,
I know it's hard!

Don't be afraid,
You'll make it through,
Just call out to me and I'll come running to you!

Hold on, hold on!
When the current pulls you under,
And your heart beats like thunder.
Just give me your hand,
And hold on, hold on!
Until the storm is over,
And I'll be fighting for you.
Just give me your hand and,
Hold on!

I'll give you hope, I'll give you faith!
And if it's dark, I'll light the way,
For you, for you!
By your side, until the end,
Until you're standing tall again!
I'm here, I'll always be here.
And if the tide, sweeps you out to sea,
When your strength is gone, and it's hard to believe

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AfterHisHeart said...

yeh, we need to learn how to lay all our problems at His feet & trust Him, leaning not on our own understanding.

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