Ok so I’m finally writing a new blog, it’s been a minute but I’m back!

While I was at work tonight I was thinking about what I wanted to write on and most importantly if God wanted me to write on something specific. All night I couldn’t come up with anything because to be real honest my brain was just so wore out from these last couple of weeks. These past few weeks have been crazy, unpredictable, full of joy and full of sorrow. And tonight I felt like I just wanted to crawl up in Gods lap and have him hold me. I heard this phrase from a book and it has been in my mind for a few days " Meet God in the shredding place" When I heard it I was like okkkk why and what does that mean? We have these paper shredders to get rid of our personal information right? Well think about it your destroying papers you no longer have a need for. When we let things go we no longer have a need for those things. When we deal with little hurts that trip us up we no longer have a need to hold on to that information we know that made our hearts break. I know that people will come and people will go, sometimes Pain will engulf our heart, sometimes fear will take over, sometimes doubt will creep in but when those things happen where is the first place you wanna go??? For me when these things happen my first response is to shut down and shut people out because I don’t want to deal with anymore hurt. That’s a bad mechanism. I understand that and I’m working on it. I sometimes wish I could just literally sit down with God and just see him and be able to chat. Right now, I just need to sit down with God and tell him how I feel, tell him why I’m hurt or why I’m confused and what’s so awesome is I know I can do that with him. It helps when you go through valleys in your life to really know that he is there whenever you need him so meet God in the shredding room.

You know when things don’t work out the way we plan…when we’re handed loss while we are so hoping for luck...when our rewarding work suddenly collapses into rubble before us….when someone or something we love is taken from us…the light goes out of our lives. We may find ourselves lost, mad, sad, confused, and not able to understand why calamity has swept through our lives and dumped us in this sad, dark place that seems so far away from hope. We may think of what WE PLANNED and what has really happened instead. And if you’re like me, your heart will break and you will have questions like... Why me? Why now? Why this or why that?? Or how about the big one…WHY DIDN’T I SEE THIS???

We go through things for a reason, I always heard the phrase “Everything happens for a reason” I believed that everything had a reason but what if that reason really sucked?? Lol what do I do with that how in the world do I learn from that?! Sometimes when I was going through things my vision was so clouded. I was walking and I couldn’t see a foot in front of me but looking back on the things I thought really sucked and didn’t understand why I had to go through it I realized that it was only added to who I am and to my story. I’ve realized that yes I may see some people walk away from me but I have a father who will always guide me and never leave me, Yes I may be having a hard time loving someone but my father shows me an example of unconditional love and yes my heart may be broken but my Father is the great physician who can heal anything!!! I am learning that all I have to do is cry out to God (“They cry to the Lord in their trouble, and he brings them out of their distress” Psalm 107:28) I believe that God will deliver us from our distress like he promises but sometimes that deliverance is within our hearts, where the pain of our circumstances has shredded our interior being.

God meets us at the shredding place. His deliverance may be simply to give us comfort in that place. His deliverance may be a lifting of our heads, of our spirits and an assurance that he is there with us able to hold us in his lap when we feel alone. His deliverance may be giving us the knowledge that we will have his strength to endure to the end. I know that tonight I may be in that shredding place but I know he will meet me where I am and give me the strength I need to get on top of that mountain top!!