able to trust again???

     A broken trust relationship leads to hurt fear confusion and anger. Those feelings are real and reasonable and you're now cautious about trusting within close relationships. But by dismissing all close trusting relationships you're also closing the door to great joy and a fullness of life God intends for you. I know that seems a little extreme but this is my opinion and you can agree or disagree. The reason I believe this is because I have experienced it first hand. About a year ago something happened that really changed my perspective on "closing" people out. I thought I already learned my lesson on this a year ago but now I have to be reminded of this again .I was so frustrated on night and I was praying and pray and praying but not feeling an answer on the situation I was so adamantly praying about so my flesh kicked in and I was like "God!! Why am I not hearing you??!!!" As soon as that came out of my mouth I just heard this "Because, your plugging your ears."...I had no idea what that meant and the first picture that came to mind was when a little Kid is having a tantrum and don't wanna hear what someone is saying the hold their ears. I was like...okkk um explain please. I felt him say "your plugging your ears because thorough the years you have been hurt and the things people did or said about you went through your ears straight to your heart so now, you have closed people out so you wont have to deal with it but, in the meantime have shut me out as well." I know it seems like a harsh thing to hear but you guys, I felt it in the warmest way, no condemnation, no judgment just pure love. I finally realized that even though I didn't mean too but shutting myself out from everyone I unintentionally shut God out. Most likely, I did this because I didn't feel like dealing with the hurt just putting it on the back burner for another day. 
     I don't like feeling like a victim or portraying myself as one. I'm just like everyone else and everyone has been a  victim to something. By this, I am referring to everything not just "crimes". It has been said that my parents have made us  kids think we are victims?? Please step back because you don't know my life or what I've been through so please don't try to narrate my life story. I believe if you are honest with yourself you have gone through something that made you feel like your trust and faith in people was up for debate. If your like me, you been through enough heartaches to even care to allow people in because hey...in a few years your probably going to leave like everyone does. And guess what?? People do leave and move on, Its life. But theres ways you can go about it that will make the absence of the person(s) to not be negative. Sure, you'll miss them but when you think about them it wont be in a negative way. Now because this is life its not always going to be a great feeling when people leave. But we have to make sure we don't judge everyone by the last person, whether it was a good or bad situation you were in.  After hurt or betrayal it is extremely tempting to withdraw into a shell in which we can no longer be hurt. In trusting no-one we feel that we are safe that we won't be hurt again. It is normal for this process to occur for a short while after a hurt has been dealt to us. For example, after the first few weeks or months after a break up we are naturally reluctant to date again. That is normal and to some extent healthy. We would not have made it very far as a species if we simply repeated actions which caused us to be harmed over and over again. I don't have this down pat yet, I still am dealing with learning to just  trust! It can be hard but so important to get back to the place where you can trust. Yes we should guard our hearts but that doesn't always mean that we need to have a fortress around it and concrete poured all around it. Be smart about who and what you trust in.
     "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)
      It isn't possible for even your closest friends to be totally trustworthy but someone else is -- Jesus Christ the Son of God. His love for you is overwhelming and led him to live a perfect life for all of us in this imperfect world. He knows all our sin and need for help. In love He lived, died and rose from the dead so all who place their trust in Him have forgiveness of sins and the perfection of heaven. While we have broken our trust relationship with Him. He will never fail us. We can trust Him. His love, His forgiveness and His help in every situation

Im amazed!!!

     Man I cant get over how crazy these last few months have been in my life. Things have changed tremendously, good and bad. I was talking with my mom tonight and through these last few months Gods hand was really on me. Not that his hand isn't always on us but he had me covered even when my eyes were blinded. I'm amazed at his Grace and mercy and overall love for me!!!

    I'm so unlovable at times. I really am, I don't deserve what I have but he still loves me at all times. I want to have that kinda love. I want to love unconditionally no matter how my flesh feels about the person or about the situation. God will show us in the smallest ways his love for us. I want to love him with all of my heart and have that love be seen by people. I want people to look at me and just know that I love him with all my heart. He has never ever let me down. Even when I didn't like how things were going, looking back they worked out perfectly and I thank God he didn't just give me what I wanted.

     Not a lot to say tonight other than he is so Good and so amazing!!! He deserves all the praise and all the glory even when we dont feel like it, when we praise him chains fall off, our outcomes become brighter and we begin to move godward. No  more looking back, we are not going back to where we used to be, how we used to be or what people said we were. We are moving forward fully aware that we are who he says we are!!!

pick up the pieces




I see Money come between my best friend and me
Old friends become new enemies
I’ve been Through character assassination
They tried to put this stick in between my wheels
But they can’t stop my motivation
Nothing will

I walk through the valley where the shadow of death is
I fear no evil ‘cause I’m protected

No weapon formed against me shall prosper
‘Cause I’m walking with the heavenly father
And I do believe that I’m gonna prosper
‘Cause I’m walking with the prayers of my mother

You won’t get the best of me
Even though you broke my heart
I’m gonna pick up the pieces
You won’t get the best of me
Even though you broke my heart
I’m gonna pick up the pieces
I’ve been Betrayed by the people I’ve trusted
I’ve been seriously disgusted


You can’t get the best of me
Cause of my destiny
Not to be less than me
But to be more
So don’t question me
I came and I conquered
I soared to new heights and still I explore
In my fight to survive
Lights still too bright
Keep my eyes on new sights
So when you try hurtin’ me, even desertin’ me
No but I’m designed to overcome adversity
Just wanna bring out the worst in me? It won’t happen
Cause I take responsibility for my action
My tenacity well it has to be everlastin’
Cause even when it comes to backstabbin’
I’m laughin'

You won’t get the best of me
Because by the grace of God
I’m gonna pick up the pieces’


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