wow today has been a longgg day!!! So since I’m up and can’t sleep I will enlighten my followers on how my day was lol...I know you’re sitting on the edges of your chairs just waiting to hear my eventful day...sarcasm intended lol....

I had to work today. When I work I can’t explain to people what it is I do exactly. We have many family owned businesses which means when you’re in the family you do what needs done. So no point in me trying to put into words what I do just know that I went to work lol. But as I was driving to work I was just talking to God and telling him how I was doing, what I was feeling and what I wasn’t feeling. I am a part of a dance/ sign language ministry at my church ( www.handsoftheriver.com )and we are filming our second DVD next Friday (woohooo!!) But I started thinking back to 2 years ago and where I was in my life, who I was and who I hadn't discovered yet. I started just asking God to anoint next Friday night and to prepare hearts, for it not to just be a cool dance show but for it to be a life changing experience for someone. I started thinking about how that night 2 years ago changed my life forever. Connections were lost but for the good. Connections were made that were also for the good. But that night 2 years ago Kayla started to grow up and discover bits and pieces of who God said I was. Kayla let go of guys who told her who she was and held onto God. My prayer is that next Friday night someone will allow God to hold onto them and tell them who they are!!!

As a youth we sometimes feel intimidated to say what we feel because we don’t feel as "educated" as others first off that’s a lie and nowhere in the bible did it say you needed a PhD to be able to speak or come before God. We can take authority and speak with confidence and love but that only can be found in Christ and having a real relationship with Christ. No man, no women, no job title, no car, no home, no dollar amount or position in the church can give you that because what happens when that person leaves?? What happens when you lose your job?? What happens when you lose your home and car and then you lose your position in the church?? Whereas your authority?? Where’s your confidence??? Where’s your love?? That’s right you guessed it, it’s gone!!! Please take it from me, don’t ever place those things on people. People will let you down, people are not perfect only God is perfect only he can give us those things and we never have to worry about him leaving with those things because he said HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE US NOR FORSAKE US!!! We place too much worth on who we are by what people say we are. That was me once. It’s a lonely , sad and confusing place to be when people walk away that made you feel confident and loved. They let me down so I didn’t feel loved which meant I wasn’t about to love anyone else I was hurt and so you say something to me I probably would bite your head off. That’s what happens when you base those characteristics by who is in your life and where you stand in life. My prayer is someone finds that out sooner that I did. I believe that can happen!!

So on a lighter non preaching note lol I went to go see "G.I Joe" tonight with some girlfriends and OMG I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE A G.I JOE PERSON!!! The movie was off the chain and heads up to everyone there is definitely going to be a part 2!! That’s all I’m going to say!!..I’m just sayin...But driving home I so felt like my car could fly and turn into some military device with a click of a button!!! Yes I do have an imagination people!!! Anyhow I got home and there it was larger than life!!! A box of captain crunch!!! Ahh I was so happy because the popcorn I bought at the theater was drenched in butter and soggy so needless to say I was so hungry. So I get me out a bowl, I pore the cereal , get me a spoon and go to get the milk....IT WAS GONE!!!! I was so let down. Such anticipation to bite into this bowl of cereal so quickly crushed by the whole fact of not having milk. lol So what did we learn?? Buy milk before you come doofis! lol what does that last paragraph have to do with Jesus??.........Jesus wept?? lol

Have you ever seen a packet of apple seeds at the store?? They have the most beautiful picture of the grown apples on the front but when you open the packet all you see are a lot of little seeds…Nothing like the picture huh!!?? God has placed so many beautiful things on the inside of us we get discouraged because we feel worthless, like we have no purpose, we feel small like those seeds but what we don’t see is the fruit after those seeds are watered how do you water them?? Relationship with God. Period. Sometimes when God tells us to do something we feel we are not equipped because all we see our those little seeds so we say No to God because we don’t see that thing that we need to equip us. When God looks at us he doesn’t see how small the seed is he sees potential!! He sees the brilliance of what he placed in us. Don’t quit on yourself, God didn’t bring you where you are to fail, God is on our side! He placed a seed of greatness in us and we need to work that!! We need to walk in it. God gave us all something, most people miss their destiny because they focus on what other people have we are obsessed with someone else’s gifts and neglect the gift God gave us to nurture!! Be careful because you don’t know the price they paid to get that gift, they may be smiling when they came to church but the drive to church they were balling and crying out to God because they feel lonely. Be careful because you do not know the real them, you don’t know if they have real joy, real peace, people are good at acting. Be careful not to forget what God gave you and only you, don’t neglect it. It may look like the ugly seeds in the packet but look at the finished work. Work what God gave you even if you feel like its small, you cant see what God see’s but if you get in relationship with him and allow HIM to water those seeds it will be made clear to you like BAM!!!

So you've heard the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”

Many people have their own opinions about this saying but to me this means you can’t keep your cake looking as if no one has taken a bite out of it and also eat it. People always argue the meaning of this because they say what’s the point in having cake if you can’t eat it. Well that’s going to be my point here exactly!!! A lot of people walk around claiming to be Christian. They believe Jesus Christ died for them, they believe in going to church and they may even be involved in the church but some of these people are claiming to be something they are not. I know harsh right? Well someone has to say it!! Let me first start by saying being a Christian does not mean doing what you want and at night laying down your head saying the same rehearsed prayer you have since you were 5 years old. Being a Christian doesn’t mean living holy on Sunday and the rest of the week being of the world. Being a Christian doesn’t mean only praying when the mortgage is due or the bill collectors are calling. Don’t say you’re something if you’re not walking it out if you say it people better recognize the God in you baby!!

I’ve been here. I would say one thing but deep down believe another. I never walked away from God but there was a point in my life where I was going through the motions. Life wasn’t looking so great, my heart always felt empty and sad and friends were all walking away and in the process of walking they were stabbing me in the back. Friends who claimed to be Christians. I remember thinking what’s the point of being a Christian if we only act Christian for 3 hours on Sunday??? My desire for God was slowly slipping away, my desire to get in his word and read and breathe life was slowly slipping away. I felt like God didn’t hear me. I felt like maybe I messed up to much for God to ever hear me or maybe I had to do something to earn back his love and trust. I remember one night just crying out to God asking him why my life was going the way it was? Why was another person walking out of my life? Why would he put them in my life for them just to walk away? Why wasn’t he even hearing me!!! I was so mad, I was confused but most of all, I was broken. That night God spoke to me and he said “unplug your ears and you’ll hear me” I remember thinking what does that mean I’m not plugging my ears God I’m doing the opposite that’s why I’m here, that’s why I’m asking you why u won’t answer me!!! He said it again “unplug your ears and you’ll hear me” So I was like ok God why am I plugging my ears (I probably had some sarcasm in my voice) He said “your plugging your ears because it’s your safety mechanism. You have been hurt by the things people have said about you, the things they didn’t say or the empty promises that you were told.” I still didn’t understand…if that was the reason why would I “plug my ears” he said "the reason why I did this was “because those words went into your ears and pierced your heart. The words that were said you “HEARD” those things hurt you because they broke your heart so it was easier for you to shut your ears and close out people so they couldn’t hurt you, but in the long run you have closed me out too” WOW talk about being put in your place in a loving way lol…I was seeing God as I saw the people who walked away and didn’t listen to what I had to say. I was scared of being let down so putting walls up seemed like a great plan!!! This night changed my life and perception of God completely!!! Since then I have realized that he will speak to me in different ways every time. It may be through the preacher on Sunday, the kids in the Sunday school classes or a cashier who is just doing her job. God will use whatever he wants to speak to us!!! It’s the still small voice on the inside of us (others seem to get it mixed up with their “6^th) sense little do they know its Jesus speaking to their heartsJ)

Something else as Christians we MUST do is get in the word!!! That would’ve cleared up a lot of questions I was having!!! For one I would’ve been reminded that in his word it says “I will never leave you or forsake you” Hebrews 13:5-6 we have the word available to us. God has given us the answers to all the questions we have but sometimes we are simply too lazy to open the book or we don’t really want to know the answers. I know I was like that once. I knew what God would say and I wasn’t ready to listen and change so not getting in the word helped me not be reminded of right from wrong. We want the answer but don’t want to do the work. We would rather someone tell us how we should handle a situation or even do it for us. As the body of Christ we have the keys to the kingdom (Matt. 16:19) in our hands and we take it for granted sometimes. We are in a battle and we cannot fight without the word!! It’s sharper than a two edged sword (Hebrews 4:12)

Every question we have is waiting for us to discover the answer. To discover these answers we must get in the word and digest every little thing so that when these questions and doubts try to come in we can say NO MY GOD WILL NEVER LEAVE ME, MY GOD WILL NEVER PLACE MORE ON ME THAN I CAN HANDLE, MY GOD IS FAITHFUL, MY GOD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED, MY GOD IS!!!

Today My family and I had to go pick up my sister from a church camp she had gone too for the weekend and as we were leaving I was walking to my car and behind me was a mom and child ....they were talking pretty loud so I could hear what the conversation was about. The mom was telling the kid to keep walking and stop stopping in front of her. And then she said the sentence that made me jump on the inside. She told her Child “Quit looking behind and Look where you’re going, It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, right now it only matters where you’re going” It struck me!!! So many times am I looking at the past and thinking how I could’ve done things so differently. I look back and wish I would’ve done some things I had the opportunity to do or look back at the hurts and things I can’t seem to let go of. I try to let them go but lately the hurt keeps popping up. The anger from the situation is slowly fading away but the hurt is increasing sometimes. As Children of God he is walking right beside us telling us “Quit looking behind and look where you’re going, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, right now it only matters where you’re going” I don’t know about you but that really comforts me.

It doesn’t matter what we have done or where we have been his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:21-24)!!! I find that with some people they don’t want to believe that promise. They would rather sulk in their hurt, anger, depression and the list can go on and on and then some more But as people of God we need to rise up and make that stand that shows others that yes we are hurting, yes we are dealing with unforgiveness, yes we don’t know where our next meal is coming from, yes we are depressed BUT MY GOD HAS SACRIFICED SO I CAN RECEIVE HIS GRACE AND MERCY EVERY SINGLE MORNING!!! The world is watching and so when we are going through “real” things we need to be REAL about them. I know for me I don’t need anyone all up in my business preaching to me when they are not living what they are preaching, I don’t expect perfection but I do expect you to be real. I wonder what would happen if people stopped walking around acting like they aint got any problems. I think healing would happen before our eyes. Then body of Christ would be one and be there for one another not to judge but to support them so that when we find ourselves slipping back they can say to us “Quit looking behind and Look where you’re going, It doesn’t matter where you’ve been , right now it only matters where you’re going”

I encourage you to take a moment and think about the situations you are dealing with and instead of me saying just give them to God and believe me I am not making light because we are to cast our burdens on him because he cares for us. But we have to put some action into it we have got to give it to God and leave it and thennnnn allow him to heal our heart. We then must walk in the authority he has given to us freely!!! He paid the price for our deliverance! I challenge you today to “Quit looking behind and look where you’re going, it doesn’t matter where you’ve been, right now it only matters where you’re going”