Right now in my life I am learning how to be in the waiting. Waiting for Gods voice to make a move for my future, for school, for everything!!! I want to have peace in this time of waiting. I finally realized that its ok to be in a place where you are asking God questions and asking him why this or that is happening or why it is not happening. That is what a RELATIONSHIP is with God. You have to communicate and so talking to him and asking him what to do in a situation and why a certain situation turned out the way it did is OKAY!!!! Isn't that a huge relief??!! It was to me at least. God wants us to be able to just come as we are and sometimes that means coming to him angry, sad, confused, numb, sad etc... God Loves when we go to him and go running to him!!! We need to know that we can talk to him like we do our best friend. He desires to have that relationship with us and now at 19 I think I am finally fully understanding that. I think so many people think that God is this big scary God on a throne just waiting to strike them. Yes he will correct but he's not out to get you!!! He loves you and wants us to know that he is a loving God and that he wants us to come into his presence without fear , because of his mercy and love we are able to do that!!! Because he paid a price for us we are able to go into the holy presence of God and meet with him!!!

Unfortunately, we sometimes need something tragic to happen for us to get into his presence and really press in and ASK him what he wants us to do, what he wants to tell us or what he wants us to tell others whatever the case may be I urge you to not let something tragic happen to make you get on your knees and get in the presence of God. Do this because you love God and because you need to do this to survive. I am speaking from a place where I have been, don't allow something bad to happen to make you go to God. There is this song I have been listening and this has been my prayer for these past few weeks. I want to worship him and spend time with him because of who he is, because of his grace and mercy for me. I want to be so in love with him that I cant go without speaking to him!!!! Allow the lyrics to this song just to marinate in your spirit these next few days and allow these lyrics to take you to the place where you worship him just because he is!!!

Because of who You are, I give You glory
Because of who You are, I give You praise
Because of who You are, I will life my voice and say
Lord I worship You, because of who You are
Lord I worship You, because of who You are

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider
Jehovah Nissi, Lord You reign in victory
Jehovah Shalom, my Prince of Peace
And I worship You, because of who You are

Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don't
Tired of telling you I'll follow
When I know I really won't
Cause I'd rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way

In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet I can feel the fire
And it's burning, burning deeply
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent, in me

Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom's all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear your holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

Alone in a room
It's just me and you
I feel so lost
'Cause I don't know what to do
Now what if choose the wrong thing to do
I'm so afraid, afraid of disappointing you


So I need to talk to you
And ask you for your guidance
Especially today
When my life is so cloudy
Guide me until I'm sure
I open up my heart


My hopes and dreams
Are fading fast
I'm all burned out
And I don't think my strenghts gonna last
So I'm crying out
Crying out to you
Lord I know that you're the only one
Who is able to pull me through


So show me how
To do things your way
Don't let me make the same mistakes
Over and over again
Your will be done
And I'll be the one
To make sure the it's carried out
And in me, I don't want any doubt
That's why...


All I need to do
Is hear a single word from you
I open up my heart
Just one word could make
A difference in what I do Lord
I open my heart to you

You're the lover of my soul
Captain of my sea
I need a word from you
That's why I open up my heart

Tonight I am sitting in my room and I have a million and one things that I should be doing but I cant focus on anything because I feel I need to write what is on the inside of me to be able to move forward tonight and maybe get “something” done lol. Today was Easter Sunday and Christians around the world are remembering the price that was paid for their salvation. In our service today a word was given about our perception. As humans we often look at the negative in the situations we are facing. Or maybe your really awesome and never look at a situation negative, but the truth is no matter how positive someone is sometimes that negative thinking creeps in. I realized today for the first time that when I feel like God is nowhere in my situation (which is not true because he says: (Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.) he is right in front of me!!! Too many times we look to our past because we feel it determines how far we go in our future…I refuse to believe that!!!

I believe that no matter what you have done in your past or what you haven’t done it can be used. Where we have been in our past sets us up for where will be in our future but we cannot get to our future without looking at the present. Instead of only looking to our past and future look at where you are now. Find God in your Now situation Yes he did great things in your past but open your eyes and look at what he is doing in your present!!!! He is setting you up for your future. We often think that because of where we are that we cannot accomplish our goals. I’m sorry but that is a lie and a fear mindset. Our perception of where we are now needs to be changed up a bit. Instead of feeling down or scared or like God is nowhere to be found in your present life open your eyes and change how you’re looking at your situation. God is in front of you and he is using your present and past to move you into your future. Your past is over so let’s leave it there and move forward. We can’t keep going back. Always remember where you have come from and what God did for you don’t forget that but allow God to change your perception, God makes all things NEW So this situation your facing now that you feel is killing you and tearing you apart is opening you up for what God wants in you!!! We have so many dreams inside of us but we cannot dream big and dream the way God wants us to dream if we have a fogged view. I know. I am as blind as a bat without glasses or contacts so I’m not going to start going after something when I can’t see because more than likely I’m going to run after the wrong thing or I am going to stumble and fall.

God has given us a dream. We have dreams, we have passions, we have the one thing that can drive us and make us reach for more but I am seeing all around me people placing their dreams on the shelf to gaze at and DREAM. I am including myself because I am one of those people. But, I refuse to sit on the dreams God has placed in my heart. I refuse to not follow my passion and my dream because of the fear that we have let overtake us. We no longer have to only dream of our dreams. We have these huge dreams and they mean something to us, they are dear to our heart and I bet you every day you think of those dreams but what are you doing to Move forward to your dream??? Just thinking of the "what if's" is not going to put you in a place to have your dream come to pass. We can no longer place our dreams on the shelf for us to look at and wonder what could have been. God doesn’t give you things for you to hide away or keep for yourself. Did you know you don’t have to be perfect and have everything in your life so perfect to fulfill your purpose? Do you have to be in order??? absolutely but God hasn’t called perfect people. He has called imperfect people to share about a perfect God. Instead of being down hearted about where we are NOW change your perception and thank God for where you are because this is getting you ready for your future!!!

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

We often think of revival as a time of great joy, blessing, fullness, and celebration. And so it will be in its fullness. But the problem is that we want a painless Pentecost. . . A “laughing” revival. We forget that God’s ways are not our ways, that the way up is down. You and I will never meet God in revival, until we first meet Him in brokenness. At first hearing, “brokenness” does not sound like something to be sought after. After all, it seems so negative! We may even be afraid of the concept. Perhaps that is because we have a misconception about the meaning of brokenness. Our idea of brokenness may be quite different from God’s idea.

Brokenness does not mean, as some think, having a sad, gloomy, downcast countenance--never smiling or laughing. It does not mean always being morbidly introspective. Nor can it be equated with deeply emotional experiences. It is possible to shed buckets full of tears, without ever experiencing a moment of brokenness. Further, brokenness is not the same as being deeply hurt by tragic circumstances. A person may have experienced many deep hurts and tragedies, but never have been broken. Brokenness is not a feeling; rather, it is a choice, an act of the will. It is not primarily a one-time experience or crisis (though there may be crisis points in the process of brokenness); rather, it is an ongoing, continual lifestyle.

Brokenness is a lifestyle of agreeing with God about the true condition of my heart and life, as He sees it. It is a lifestyle of unconditional, absolute surrender of my will to the will of God--a heart attitude that says, “Yes, Lord!” to whatever God says. Brokenness means the shattering of my self-will, so that the life and Spirit of the Lord Jesus may be released through me. Brokenness is my response of humility and obedience to the conviction of the Word and the Spirit of God. And as the conviction is continuous, so must the brokenness be continuous. True brokenness has both a vertical and a horizontal dimension: it is demonstrated in a willingness to live with the “roof off ” in my relationship with God, and the “walls down” in my relationships with others.

Why would anyone want to be broken, any more than someone would want to sign up for surgery or suffering? God’s Word teaches that brokenness brings blessedness. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit”--I.e., the “broken ones,” those who recognize that they are spiritually bankrupt and poverty-stricken.

What blessings does brokenness bring?

We’ve seen that God draws near to the broken ones; He lifts up those who are humble, but stiff arms those who are proud. New life is released through our brokenness. On the eve of His crucifixion, as He broke the bread and distributed it to His disciples, Jesus declared, “This is My Body, which is broken for you.” His death, on the cross, released eternal life for us. And so, when we are willing to be broken, His abundant life can flow through us to others.

Brokenness brings an increased capacity for love and worship. The “sinner woman,” who anointed Jesus’ feet with her tears and with the precious ointment, was a broken woman. As a result, she was free to lavish her love and worship on the Lord Jesus, without restraint, and without being bound by the opinions of those who watched. Some of us are not really free to love and worship the Lord Jesus with all our hearts. Perhaps that is because we are not broken. We are still more concerned about what others think and about protecting our reputation than about the object of our devotion.

Brokenness brings increased fruitfulness, for God uses things that are broken.

Throughout my short 19 years I have seen and met so many people who are bound my shame an guilt.I see how in every area of their life they are somehow bound by these things. I used to have so much shame and guilt and so I'm not just writing and assuming what the person may feel. But I am speaking from a point of someone who was completely bound in this. For me, it started with something so tiny but the devil likes to play on that and everyday we allow him to make it a little bigger in our minds, fear takes over because you know everyone is going to walk away from us when they find out then guilt starts to take over....we knew it was wrong but didn't turn around. That is when the shame kicks in. You wanna hide yourself so sometimes you have to put up a front because no one can even suspect anything is wrong because then you would have to "come clean" isn't it crazy how we so quickly accept lies from the enemy and believe them about our self and even others but when God speaks things about us and to us we cant believe them.

We will spend years in bondage and bound by crippling fear because what the enemy has spoken to us but God is the author of our lives (“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”- Hebrews 12:2) He is always speaking into our lives but we find it so hard to believe what he says about us?? Crazy huh???

This new season that we are entering is a time for God to completely turn Things around. We will be going one way and we will completely turn around to Pick up promises that seemed frozen in mid air. We will turn around and they will Melt and begin to come into fruition. “I am the God of the Turn Around.” The enemy has driven you into his entanglement, but I will turn his plan around on his own head. It will look like you were on the losing side but all of a sudden I will turn it around. Just when you thought the battle was lost, you will look to the hills from where your help come from and you will see that there are more with you than are against you. All of a sudden your enemy will not be found. You will see your God turn it all around. Your enemy will run from you because God will put fear and dread upon him through you.

It doesn't matter what you have done or haven't done. The shame and the guilt has already been paid for!!! It only takes a blink of an eye and God takes the guilt and the shame, I know because it happened to me. I was getting so tired of everyone telling me to let it go and give it to God. Of course I knew that I had to do that but what I needed to know is HOW!!! How do I just let it go and not pick it back up??? When you let go of something physically you have to release it from your hands. You physically have to open your hands and let go of your grip!!! That's true surrendering. That's where healing comes and restoration comes. You have empty places when the shame and guilt leave so that's where God fills it up with his love and mercy and Grace!!!! When you draw near to God and get at his feet, meet with him face to face the shame, guilt and pain have to Go!!!! Draw near to God and allow him to speak over you!!!

"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28)

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)

As humans we often interpret silence to mean something negative. When there is silence from your friends or family it usually makes us wonder what’s up??? But what if the silence isn’t coming from your friends and family??? What if its coming from God??? We assume that its Gods wrath for all the horrible things we have done or the lady we just cut off in traffic, The horrible thought you just had about your husbands mom not making light of sin because we all have sinned and fallen short to the glory of God (Romans 3:23) But we are so quick to assume that its because we have done something to make God disown us and to make life hard but why don’t we assume that he is just wanting us to be still and listen??? I know for me I automatically assume its a sin that can not be forgiven or it brings up my "past". What I have recently discovered is in these silent moments of life when we feel he is so far away he closer than ever before!!!! Its in these times that we are forced to cry out. In our society silence is a bad thing. The guy you just hooked up with hasn’t "texted" you back so something has to be wrong, Your best friend who you just saw 5 minutes before wont answer her cell so you must’ve done something to ruin the friendship the list could go on of silly assumptions we are so quickly to let creep into our minds.

I urge you to take a step back from your situation your facing in life right now and ask God why he is silent??? Ask him why you are so quick to assume something is wrong, what has caused this feeling to arise in you every time there is a delay in your answer. I did this a few weeks ago and what I heard turned me around. It was a pivotal moment in my life and something I will never forget. I was getting so frustrated because I felt as though my prayers were bouncing off the sky. I felt that God didn’t have time for me or that I FINALLY did something to make his love run out for me (How crazy is it that I even thought that?)So guess what I did I ASKED him why I wasn’t hearing his voice and guess what he ANSWERED/!!! All I had to do was ask and be open to what he was going to tell me. This is what he said " I have been speaking to you and answering you but you have your hands of your ears.." I never thought I would hear that especially coming from God lol But then I asked him why I have had my hands over my ears and he said "I have had my hands over my ears because in my past I have had things said to me that hurt me, things said about me from people and it went in my ears and hit my heart so I have learned to plug my ears so I wouldn’t be hurt but in the mean time I have shut people out including him" It hit me but even though the message he gave me was stern it was so loving!!!! I felt loved I felt special to him. I realized that I needed to go back and the things that hurt me I had to deal with and give them ALL to God!!!

As Christians we get hurt by the church, hurt by our families, by our friends. We have friends who walk away from the church and then we feel that lonely feeling and automatically turn it into anger and we harden our hearts. I have just realized that those things that hurt me or make me wonder what in the world is going on is a here and now opportunity to take them to God and TALK with him and have that relationship with him so that when you have questions you can simply ask. Silence is not always a bad thing. It may be a season of listening to what God has and shutting your mouth for awhile other times its when we may not want to hear the answer so its easier to say that God has shut us out and is not hearing us but in reality he is talking so loudly but we make sure we have enough noise around us so we wont have to deal with those issues and get to the root of our heartache and anger. Allow God to speak to you. Listen to what he is asking and telling you don’t close him out because of what humans have done to you. He is so worthy or our praise and adoration, he just has to know we are willing and ready!!!!

"Never think that God's delays are God's denials." -unknown