I've been sweeping around this room with a fine tooth broom
Still don't have a clue
I've been searching for signs of life
But nothings comin through
I've been flipping through pages full of golden rules
A wealth of tiny truths
Tripping over the same old things, I thought I'd long since moved

I believe in the helping hand, my fellow man
And the fail-safe “love thy neighbor plan”?
The promise, the creed, the other cheek, so help me
I need to get to you

You've been paving the way, making it straight
The path has been cleared
I've been a little hesitant, but you still find me here
You've been flooding my thoughts
Now I'm breaking the locks making my way through
I can see to the other side and I'm so glad it's you
I believe in the one about reaching out, living loud, and all my doubts I believe in
What I can't do and I believe, I believe in you

It's taken me all this time to see the sun
It's taken me all this time to learn how to run
After the rain has washed away the rust and residue
All that's left of me is you

I believe I can overcome the things that have been left undone
I believe I have a place to go, somehow I know, I will get to you

Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies (Psalm 36:5).
.Tonight I dont have anything so profound I haven't had this deep revelation but know what I feel could be a huge revelation for someone else because there was a time it was for me. I see situations around me that saddens my heart. So many people are trapped in their situations. So many people are lonely, so many people are slipping away...people who have been raised in the church all their lives are slipping away. And people want to stay blinded to it. It saddens me because if you look at any of those situations the root of it is fear and needing love. God can wrap his arms around you in your situation and love on you and make the fear, the anger, the disappointment go away.(How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7) He is a God of restoration. My heart just feels so heavy tonight because some of the people going through this just need God to love on them...I cant do it for them, their parents cant do it their spouses etc only God because that is the love their soul needs. There are people who feel they don't belong and wherever that stems from know God can take it away and replace it with his Love. God loves you and he's waiting to give rest to your soul.

God is Love, and His love is very different from human love. God's love is unconditional, and it's not based on feelings or emotions. He doesn't love us because we're lovable or because we make Him feel good; He loves us because He is love. He created us to have a loving relationship with Him, and He sacrificed His own Son (who also willingly died for us) to restore that relationship.

The call

How long will we hide our faces?
We hear you calling our name but we run from your throne
Shake us, awaken us, and cleanse us
This generation is slumbering
Give me joy
Give me strength
When I’m losing my way
Draw me into your presence
I lift my eyes to the hills from which cometh my help
You are my help, you are my refuge and you are my strength
I will praise you forever.

Gods reaching for you


These past few weeks of my life have been eventful. I’m realizing the true beauty of love and that it can exist and go deeper than physical attraction. But I am also learning at the same time that Gods love can go deeper than anything. It reaches as far as the east is from the west and his mercies are new every single morning. I have been thinking back on times in my life where God was trying to reach for me and was calling my name but I turned the other way fully knowing his hand was stretched out waiting for mine. As a human being if I reached my hand and poured out my love on someone who knowingly rejected it I would probably give up because it would hurt me. But how many times have we done that to God and we just expected to go back to how “things used o be” after we had a little fun out doing what we wanted??? We go back to God not wanting to address any of the things that he is trying to bring up out of us and heal us from. Those are placed in a closet where we can freely go and get when we are having those poor pity me days. I am not saying that God will bring up all of your wrongs and condemn you until you cry and beg and plead for his forgiveness. Yes you must confess and repent of your sins but He is not a God of “you own me’s” He is a God of love and mercy and acceptance and forgiveness. As human beings though we sometimes can’t seem to fathom that God is not a God of “you owe me’s”

When I mess up I want to be able to have people in my life that I can go to that will not tell me how bad I was and how I really disappointed God. I want to have those people in my life be honest with me and do it with Love. Sometimes there will be correction from a person but they can always do it in love without passing judgment. I feel like I am surrounded by people who think they live in a Brady bunch world. By that I mean that nothing is wrong and we all just are so perfect and love each other so much and never get our feelings hurt blah blah blah blah blah it is way too sweet for someone to swallow. I want people around me who are REAL who are open to new things God has for them. Some people are so scared of change and having to grow up that they put a limit on God and once they make it to a certain level they feel they do not need to press any farther. I’m sorry but for me every day I want to learn something new about God. I want to be able to be open and be able to go even farther than I have ever dreamed of. This generation is so fast paced we don’t want to wait for anything. When we want something we want it now and if we don’t get it someone pays for that. We don’t respond to authoritative figures in our lives because we think we know what is best for us. But I REFUSE to have that placed on me I REFUSE to just be ok one day and the next down I refuse to not reach for my goals because it’s too hard or too much work I REFUSE to not stand for my beliefs because the kids in my class make fun of me I just REFUSE TO ACCEPT WHERE WE ARE AS A GENERATION!!!! “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:8-10”

God has so much for us!!! But because of either people’s judgmental look or words we sometimes settle for second best. I hear about how a lot of people don’t believe God can forgive them because of their “mess” I was a mess!!! I had a huge mess but God took the time to reach down his hands and pick me up and turn me around. He was so patient with me and loved me unconditionally!!! A lot of times we want to cover up what we have done or maybe in your household everything had to be kept hush hush and that’s all you know or maybe everyone was always in your business so you keep it all inside of you I don’t know what the situation may be but I do know nothing is too big for God and this generation does not have to settle for what the world says is normal or cool.

Runway love……. what do you think of when you hear the song by ludacris and Mary J Blige is it just a song to you or a reality??? To someone it could be something you’re running away from in your mind, your home life is rocky so running away seems to be what would help, No one is around to talk to, you live in an abusive environment, or it could simply be a song you listen to by Ludacris and Mary J Blige. To me it makes me think of the situations and decisions in my life I wish I could run away from for awhile. Like tonight , I don’t feel like dealing with things that need dealt with. I’m tired of having to just waste my time and have nothing to show for it. I don’t know how I should balance everything I feel. Tonight I feel like running away from my issues and just blocking them out but this is where I need to take the advice I give to people so often when they feel like walking away or running from the problem “The longer you run away from the problem the bigger it gets and when you come back from running its still there” So this is one of those nights where I need to be grown up and deal with what hurts. Tonight I’m sitting in a hotel room alone on valentine’s day and so of course as a girl you feel like a loser lol but as I’m sitting here I’m asking myself the question “why am I running?? What makes me feel like I need to run to anyone or anything but God?” I think fear is the big thing. He’s never failed me but why is it sometimes I trust others more than God?? How is that fair??? Why is it that we are so quick to trust someone we barely know but won’t allow God in that place where we surrender completely to him and trust him with our lives??? I don’t know all these answers maybe someone else does there are just the random thoughts on my mind tonight but before you sleep or start your day ask yourself the questions “Why are you running?” and “why do you so quickly trust others more than you trust God?”

Last night I had to go to Wal-Mart to get some things that I needed while we were traveling. During this trip and doing this show I have prayed that my time here would not just be “time” I want it to be meaningful. I want to have a purpose while I am here for these 10 days. The first few days were rocky. I just felt like taking a bus home…I’ve never taken the bus but I wanted to then lol But after a long day of meeting thousands of people I felt like going to Wal-Mart to get what we needed crazy huh? But as I was waiting for my brother to checkout I took a seat on one of the many benches they have placed in the front for tired, worn out people lol As I was sitting there I was observing the people who were walking by some were happy, some were angry, some were little and without a care in the world like this little girl I met. She was walking next to her daddy and just aimlessly walking next to him and she was just smiling and grinning. You could tell she had so much love for her dad as she started to get closer she started walking towards me and not listening as her dad told her to stay with him lol She came right up to me and started talking (I couldn’t understand her but she was just smiling and talking her little heart out) She then got closer to me as though she knew me and started hugging my leg and just smiling and talking. It lasted for about 5 min and her momma came out of the restroom with another little one in her arms and he was just smiling if I didn’t know better I would think I had something on my face lol I can never explain how it touched me, I needed that little girl to give me strength to keep on keepin on. I walked away from there thinking what if I came to God that way??? With no inhibitions, I came to him with complete trust like this little girl, yes she was young but she trusted me. What if I was more like the little 19 month old and just came to God like a child??? She had hope and love in her eyes what if I came to God with Hope and Love and yes I would have problems but I would have HOPE that those problems wouldn’t matter once I got into the presence of God. What if I walked next to him like she did her daddy??? I also have walked away from my “daddy” like she did hers….But when she listened to her dad finally he held her with the same abounding love, he protected her the same, he held her even tighter though. It may have been only for me and maybe everyone has had this revelation and if you have that’s amazing but my prayer while I’m here and for the rest of my life is that I would trust God and let him hold me like that little girl did. I will allow him to guide me and not go my own way. Yes she disobeyed her father but he never left her. He patiently waited while she came back.

And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, and said, truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all]. Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. - Matt 18:2-4

I haven’t posted in a few days it’s been crazy busy here. I am leaving in about 4 hours for PA My dad is doing a show there for about 10 days so as support the whole family is going. I’m already homesick  these last few days a lot has been going through my mind. Good and bad. I have so many things that my heart desires and I know right now is not yet the time for the door to be completely swung open. Don’t you hate that??? Tonight as I was packing my bags to leave I started feeling very unorganized all my clothes were EVERYWHERE my shoes nowhere to be found I started feeling a little discombobulated. Then of course, I started thinking about the situations in my life right now. The HUGE ones and the tiny ones. I started just feeling really down and lonely…I analyze everything and in some cases that is good but in this case tonight not so good. I feel like I could sit and stare at a wall tonight lol so many thoughts and I can’t find the answers for all of these thoughts. I began to wonder how Jesus felt while he was on earth. How did it feel??? How did he spend each morning??? What did he think?? Did he ever feel lonely??? I just sat there in the middle of my room with what looked like a huge mess around me and just began to cry. I wish I was there with Jesus as he was growing up. I wish I was able to sit with him at the table have a little chat with him and see him. I asked one of my friends if he thought Jesus ever got lonely while he was on earth?? He gave a good point. He said “The bible says he is familiar with suffering and when we are familiar with someone, there is a relationship there. He often had a relationship with suffering, his own boys fell asleep on him when he needed them the most” We all obviously know Jesus SUFFERED for US!!! And I always knew that but he put that the best….Think how lonely you would feel in the garden praying relying on your disciples to be covering you in prayers and to turn around to only find them sleeping???
I once again started to think about my situations. I was in the middle of my room crying and feeling like I had a mess surrounding me when God spoke to me and so lovingly reminded me that no “mess” is too big for him. What I may see as a HUGE obstacle he sees as a little hill. We often focus on the many valleys and steep hills and mountains we may have to climb over but we look so far ahead we cannot see what is right in front of us. God gives us everything we need including love. I know I do not have this all figured out but I do have a God who does. I need to trust and have faith more. It’s so easy to get down and feel alone and just like a huge screw up but tonight God put his arms around me and calmed me down. Am I lonely??? A little but I know who to go to when I do.

For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can’t escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I’m home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

And keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
There’s nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer my Lord