A new chapter in my life = A new author

So this past Friday night the ministry I am so proudly apart of filmed our second DVD. I have written a blog on it and the history of it on an older post so check it out!!! (http://dreams-passion-faith.blogspot.com/2009/01/hands-of-river.html ) But these past few months of my life have been kind of rocky. There have been situations that made me grow but it still hurt, there were people who walked away and situations that just completely went south and it left me feeling numb, bitter, lonely, angry and confused. I had all these emotions that I was just left with and to be honest my heart was truly broken. I minister a song called “praise you in this storm” by a group named casting crowns and I have ministered this song for years but this last “storm” I went through was probably one of the strongest ones I’ve gone through. I truly was in a valley and I didn’t know how it was going to get better. When people would say to me that it would get better I didn’t want to hear it. They didn’t know how I was feeling; they didn’t feel what I felt I was just so frustrated because no one knew sooo no one really understood. It wasn’t anyone’s fault because I didn’t allow them to know what was going down but it was so hard to see the “good” in this situation.

During our dress rehearsal the day before the taping I had to go over the song and I was not feeling it, I felt like there was a huge concrete wall and I couldn’t tear it down. I knew that I had to let go of this person and the hurt and allow God to heal that area in my heart and I didn’t want to let go so therefore it was hard for me to really minister this song in truth. That night I went home and I was sitting in my room late that night and I just started crying because I knew that I had to make the final move and let go of that person they weren’t coming back in that area of my life and so I had to let it go. I told God that night that I would let it go if he took the pain and the “what if’s” (Isn’t it funny how we make “deals” with God even though he’s going to do what he wants?? Lol) So Friday night an hour before we go on I had another rehearsal with my song and once again I felt the wall!!! I knew that the wall would fall down when I surrendered and let go. Right before I went out on stage I told God to take it, that I wouldn’t go back after. He spoke to me and told me this song was closing a chapter in my life but I had to let go. Later that night in the car my Dad told me God spoke to him and told him to tell me that this song was CLOSING A CHAPTER IN MY LIFE!!! That he was moving me on, God never ceases to amaze me. I don’t know how to explain it. But it happened as soon as the lights hit and the music started I felt lighter it hurt, but not for long…I told God this was it I was giving it up to him and during the 5 minutes of that song I felt my heart get healed, I finally had my heart back!!! God grew me up in those 5 minutes lol

You go through things in your life and when you’re in the storm it feels so dark, you never feel like you’re going to be able to see the light but instead of regretting your past thank God for it and make that “regret” a part of your testimony. Allow it to be used for Good. You never know how your “regret” may be a healing for someone else. You never know when God will bring someone in your life to lose the chains that you keep locked up so tightly. I have some really good friends who because of their realness and openness about their experiences helped me realize that a healing in this area is possible, that you grow from these things and God WILL USE THE REGRETS TO ADD TO OUR TESTIMONY!!! I can honestly say that I let it go. Whatever storm you may be going through just know that God will bring you out. You may have questions, you may be confused, you may feel angry and if it’s a person you have issues with or dealing with letting them go there may be times when you miss them, that’s okay we are human and that’s built in us. But when having to make that decision to let it go it helps to think of it in this way. When you let go of all those emotions, all of the unspoken things that should’ve been said or things that should’ve never been said you could be allowing their healing to take place. That really helped me because when you care for someone you do want the best for them. Caring for someone doesn’t always mean “being in love” it just means you care what happens to them because they are their friends. So allow God to start writing the new chapter of your life!!!