Infiltrate

I'm a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.
I have Holy Spirit power.
I've stepped over the line,
The decision has been made,
I'm a disciple of His.

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
My past redeemed, my present makes sense,
My future is secure.
I'm finished and done with low living, sidewalking,
Small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,
Tame visions, worldly talking,
Cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, position,
Promotion, applause or popularity.
I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized,
Praised, regarded or rewarded.

I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience.
I'm uplifted by prayer, and labour empowered.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven,
My road is narrow, my way is rough,
My companions are few, my God reliable.

My mission is clear.
I cannot be bumped, compromised, detoured,
Lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed.
I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice,
Hesitate in the presence of my adversaries,
Negotiate at the table of my enemy
Or ponder at the pool of popularity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up
Until I've stayed up, stored up,
Prayed up, preached up for the cause of Christ.

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If not for your grace

I was thinking of how much has changed in the last year. Its an obvious statement to say things are different from last year but Im talking deeper than physical things. I started to think of where I couldve been and whether it be bad or good I still noticed how much has changed in this last year for me. I was thinking about how I used to say that I wanted to be able to let go of things and not care or get out of situations but I was talking a lot but really saying nothing at all. So many times we find comfort in our hurts, anger, depression, sickness and the list could go on and on and on!!! Many times I hear people saying how they really want to change and the know God has bigger things for them I do agree that God has bigger things for them but the question is...Are they ready to give God what they are holding onto??? Everyone has something it could be big or small it doesn’t matter its still needing to be let go of so you can walk in what God is wanting to badly to give us. I was gone for a few weeks and while I was gone it was like life was put into places where God wanted to revive me and other places were squashed that needed some taking care of. I dont know how to explain it other than I felt like I was made whole in different areas of my life, Areas where I tried to “fix“it. Instead of focusing where I could be and the downfalls of some things I was able to see the other side of the situations. I realized during my trip I needed to stop being so bossy and allow God to be the boss lol Soo instead of me worrying about what path Im going to take in life, whether my financial aid will go through or whether I truly know what to do with my life I decided to stop taking control of them and finally let them go. I keep thinking about Grace over and over in my mind. Israel Houghton’s song “Grace” is running over and over in my mind but specifically the one verse that says “Where would I be if not for your grace carrying me through every season” I have peace about it and know that God has me where I am for a reason and I need to remember who knows all and has his hand on me!!!

“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee.” Psalm 55:22

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Are you living or existing??

I was watching a movie tonight with my family and something was said in it that hit home with me. Throughout life you take so many things for granted. Small and big. Right now in my life I have to sit back and look at some things and to be real honest could care less about a lot of it right now. But I was thinking about this movie and the question was asked in the movie “Are you living or existing?” It hit me. I’m just existing right now. I’m not living up to the potential God has for me. I feel like lately I’ve lost my passion for a lot of things. I don’t know how I got to that point but needless to say I know I’m there and it’s a part of the process but some of it is just free will and life. But I have to be willing to learn through this process so to get to that point I got to let some things go. The things I thought were not that big of a deal or didn’t affect me in a negative way have and I got to learn to let those things/people go.

Where are you God???

These past few days I’ve been asking the question “Where are you God???!!” Right now I need direction in my life. I’m needing to feel that even though ahead of me looks horrible and the situations I’m not wanting to deal with look like they will never get better he will make a way but saying it and believing it are two different things. I need to hear the voice of God. You always hear people talking about how you must press in and find him that is true but sometimes as humans we always take the easy road and sometimes give up. I feel like giving up on a lot right now but know I can’t. That doesn’t mean that the thought isn’t there and that I’m just doing so wonderful and not a care in the world please I hate when people try to put on a front of perfection in every area of their life.

God is the Creator of the universe who yearns for us to know Him. That is why we are all here. It is His desire that we rely on and experience His strength, love, justice, holiness and compassion. So He says to all who are willing, "Come to me."
Unlike us, God knows what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year, the next decade. He says, ("I am God, and there is no one like me, declaring the end from the beginning."1) He knows what will happen in the world. More importantly, He knows what will occur in your life and can be there for you, if you've chosen to include Him in your life. He tells us that He can be ("our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble."2) But we must make a sincere effort to seek Him. He says, "You will seek me and find me, when you search for me with all your heart."3 That doesn't mean that those who know God will escape difficult times. They won't. One follower of Jesus Christ put it this way: "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."4 Reality tells us that we will experience problems in life. However, if we go through them while knowing God, we can react to them with a different perspective and with a strength that is not our own. No problem has the capacity to be insurmountable to God. He is bigger than all the problems that can hit us, and we are not left alone to deal with them.

God's Word tells us, ("The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him."5 And, "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them."6)

Many of us -- no, all of us -- choose at times to stiff-arm God and His ways. Compared to others,we might consider ourselves to be respectable, loving people. But in the raw honesty of our own hearts, if we were to face God, it would be with the knowledge of our sin. As we begin to address God in prayer, are we not caught short, paused by the sense that God is well aware of our thoughts, actions and self-centeredness? We have...by our lives and actions...distanced ourselves from God. We have often lived like we could run our lives just fine without Him. The Bible says that "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way."13 The consequences? Our sin has separated us from God, and it affects more than this life. The penalty for our sin is death, or eternal separation from God. However, God has provided a way for us to be forgiven and know Him.

God knows the pain and suffering we encounter in this world. Jesus left the safety and security of His home, and entered the hard environment we live in. Jesus got tired, knew hunger and thirst, battled accusations from others and was ostracized by family and friends. But Jesus experienced far more than daily hardships. Jesus, the Son of God in human form, willingly took all of our sin on Himself and paid our penalty of death. "In this is love, that he laid down his life for us."15 He went through torture, dying a slow, humiliating death of suffocation on a cross, so that we could be forgiven.

Jesus told others ahead of time that He would be crucified. He said that three days after His death He would come back to life, proving that He is God. He didn't say He would reincarnate someday. (Who would know if He actually did it?) He said three days after being buried He would show Himself physically alive to those who saw His crucifixion. On that third day, Jesus' tomb was found empty and many people testified to seeing Him alive.

Jesus Christ said, "My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."30 He promises never to fail us or forsake us."

What my heart desires....

One of the deepest desires of my heart is to travel. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I have been through a lot and have a voice to reach out to so many people so they can find healing and strength in the situation they are facing. So many things this past weekend has happened. We had a lady come visit our church and in the middle of the service God spoke to me and felt like he was telling me to prepare myself to start walking in my calling. It’s something I have been praying about for about a year now and I don’t want to go out until I am prepared and feel like I get a CLEAR answer. I’m not sure what all this traveling will involve but whatever it is I am willing to do what he asks of me. I don’t want pity for what I have gone through I don’t need that what I do need is people to be open to hearing my story and be willing to receive the healing that God has for them whether it be healing from abuse (mental, verbal, physical or spiritual) Heartache, disappointment, shame, guilt, feeling unworthy, the feeling of never achieving anything etc you get the point hopefully lol whatever it may be I want God to be able to use me. But something I realized this evening is I need to start dealing with some emotional baggage I have packed away in the closet it’s not huge life shattering things BUT it is baggage that needs disposed of. I am willing to go to the place where it may hurt, make me angry or make me sad so that I can be able to say I MADE IT AND SO CAN YOU!!!! I DEALT WITH THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD GET OVER AND I DIDN’T DO IT ALONE!!!! (I’m not yelling in an angry tone lol) I see so many times people stuck, including me at times because of the fear of “what ifs” I am no longer letting the “what if’s rule me and hold me back from what God has for me. If I have it in my heart to travel and speak to people then I am giving that to God so he can start working on it lol BAM!!!

I can’t wait to get into what I’m called to do. I’m very excited and scared sometimes too but its normal I think??? That is where I have got to trust God and trust with my WHOLE heart!!! I feel like right now I am in training for what my “job” will be. Every day I want to learn something new. I want to find out something else about God I didn’t know before. Think about it, when you are in a relationship with either your boyfriend/girlfriend you want to learn something new about them everyday…their likes/dislikes , their fears, their dreams etc God can have that kind of relationship with us but even DEEPER!!! Yes it’s an amazing feeling to have a significant other who makes you smile when you think about them and you know everyone is wondering what the heck you’re so aimlessly starring at smiling from ear to ear but it goes deeper then aimlessly smiling at nothing. Think about it…that is so deep. What more could you ask for??? I know for me that’s what I want and I will do whatever to get to the place where everyday learn something else!!!
Psalm 37:3-5
“Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this”

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